Tie for First Place in Poetry: "Train a Hypocrite"

Megan, I think it's great to train our brains
To accept booties of all sizes
But couldn't you just tell us you're all about that bass
And leave out the no treble?
Because after you felt insulted by barbs barreled at bigger babes
You went and slung spears at the so-called stick figure silicones
Be all about that bass
But don't tell me that the my boy doesn't like my tiny tits
With the raspberries that purse his lips and
Make his molars work the way they would on the Panera bagel
That yes, it's okay if you chew two of (your mother and I won't judge)
Don't imply that he doesn't want to bend me over and grab the pressed leaf imprint of the ribs on my back and boom boom
This shit IS real
I'm not a bitch, and I don't think I'm fat
My size two is strong
I can lift my 3 and 5 year olds into the air
Pumping my arms so that they rise and fall like a mega-drop ride
And I can run around the track 52 times
Can you haul that bass, or would that make you tremble?
Go ahead and move along