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Friday: Luke Bryan

Luke Bryan
(Trent Tatum/Facebook)

April 8

Listening to Luke Bryan's excellent album from last year, the pop-country-fried R&B album "Kill The Lights," you get a sense of what the bro-country gawd's heart is like—it's open though often confused by the contingencies of love. But really though—what's his dick like? Bryan makes great music, well-crafted, soaring, honest anthems, but he's also an unabashed sex symbol so there's no way I'm the only one wondering. On "Kill The Lights" there are lots of songs about reconnecting with past lovers or just hooking up in a field somewhere, especially 'Strip It Down,' which is about rekindling a relationship with old flame but also about trying to tap back into his country music roots, but it is like many Luke Bryan songs, about banging but also about all those weird #feelingz afterwards. Which brings us back to Luke Bryan's dick: Luke's handsome and a pretty big dude, so we're thinking his dick is decent-sized, above average, probably somewhere between the infamous Pepsi can of Don Johnson and the 2-liter Pepsi bottle of Jay-Z, you know? 7:30 p.m., Royal Farms Arena, 201 W. Baltimore St., (410) 347-2020, royalfarmsarena.com, $39.75-$74.75. (Brandon Soderberg)

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