Drink along!
Drink along!

The entertainment TV event of the season is finally here: The Republican primary presidential debate will air tonight at 9 p.m. on Fox News. With noted clowns Ben Carson and Donald Trump in the mix, it's bound to make for amazing television no matter what. But to make the debates a little more enjoyable/tolerable, the City Paper staff has come up with a few drinking game rules for you.

We strongly encourage you to pick only a few of your favorites to drink by during the debate—if you follow all of these rules, you'll probably die of alcohol poisoning. City Paper cannot be held responsible for any liver damage that occurs as a result of this debate. You have been warned.

  • If a candidate uses the word "illegal" as a descriptor for people, take a drink.
  • If a candidate says the word "bootstraps," drink.
  • If Chris Christie talks about punching the teachers union in the face, punch the person to your left and finish their drink.
  • If a candidate references Ayn Rand, yell "who is John Galt?", then drink.
  • Every time the Iran deal comes up, drink.
  • If a candidate says the word "freedom," drink.
  • Every time Ben Carson makes you ashamed of Baltimore, take a drink of a Boh (or an actual locally brewed beer).
  • If a candidate claims a minority group loves them, finish your drink.
  • If a candidate makes a reference to "the party of Lincoln," take a shot of Kentucky bourbon.
  • If a candidate makes a reference to "the party of Ronald Reagan," drink a glass of California white wine.
  • If a candidate says some version of the phrase "wage stagnation," do a spit-take.
  • If a candidate says "all lives matter," take a sip out of every person's drink in the room.
  • Every time guns or the Second Amendment are brought up, do a shooter.
  • If Chris Christie talks about using birth control, and "not just the rhythm method," drink moonshine until you go blind in an effort to erase that mental image.
  • If Mike Huckabee accuses trans people of being sexual predators and just comes across as a sexual predator, drink very slowly from your drink while making creepy uncomfortable eye contact with the person to your left.
  • If a candidate uses the phrase "clean coal," take a shot of Tennessee whiskey (made according to the Lincoln County Process).

If you're looking for a bar to play this drinking game at, Atomic Books is hosting a "Democalypse 2016" viewing party at 9 p.m. and Liam Flynn's is hosting a "Parade of the Horribles," also at 9 p.m. On the other end of the political spectrum, Log Cabin Republicans, the Baltimore City Republican Central Committee, and Millennial Maryland are co-hosting a viewing party at Ropewalk Tavern. As the invitation kindly notes, "Everyone pays their own way (we are Republicans after all) but there is no purchase necessary to participate."