The Maryland Science Center is awesome. The Maryland Science Center gift shop is awesome. The Maryland Science Center cafeteria, Beaker's, has some nasty chemistry going on. Picture this: You are a parent. Your children can be wonderful, as long as they eat well and get good naps. If they don't, you're—earmuffs, kids—totally fucked. After a fun morning at the Science Center, what you desperately need is something vaguely healthy that your child will eat. Beaker's greasy chicken tenders, bacon cheeseburgers, and fries are fine for some. But how about some options, given that you can't bring in your own food? "Veggie options," the menu notes, "are available upon request." What, do they have to take the Tofurky out back and shoot it?