This iteration of the Mr. Wrong column is one of my fave-rave-favorites of the entire Sisyphean-year cycle of newspaper columning, to wit; the Top 10 column! Arrooo! The way it works is, this edition of City Paper, Baltimore’s Top 10 Alternative Weekly, will be stuffed with bunches of Opinions of things that are Top 10, in The News, and Music, and Movies, a whole pant-load of stuff, and so this time of year I always catch Top 10 fever and poop out my very own “Top 10” column studded with all kinds of Top 10-ness, and you can tell the things that are Top 10 by the Bold Type! Yeah!
So of course Top 10 itself is the Top thing on my Top 10 list, and even more, of course, is City Paper, the paper and pixels all the Top 10s are published in/on/via, and then I think for my next Top 10 it’s Vaping, which seems to be helping the coughs of my pals who are hopelessly addicted to cigarettes as they now become hopefully addicted to vaporizing the vape-juice, Electronically vape-huffing outta pens and flashlights and all kindsa crazy stuff, puffing out clouds that smell like Grape Soda and Pancakes with Maple Syrup all over ’em.
Right after vaping on this year’s Top 10 is the marijuana (on account of how it seems people were vaping the Mary Jane waaaay before anybody was vaping Nicotine), totally Trending, Legally, and Medically, and in a Decriminalized fashion all over America, and the amber waves of grain and stuff. I wonder how many people right now are in jail on account of “old” reefer laws, you know? And when is somebody gonna get jacked up because of puffing Legal Weed someplace where it is legal, and then getting Drug-Test-fired someplace where it is not legal?
Speaking of America, I support the Protesters who are compelling everybody to confront the problem of violence we have in this not-so-post-racism country with the functioning of our police system, and I think the protest-people who go out and inconvenience everyone are exercising their Freedom and Democracy in the interest of the entire nation, and I know the Ebola Fighters got to be the Time magazine “Person of the Year,” and that’s fine, anybody taking care of the deadly Ebola is a hero, man, but Our Domestic Protesters are out there doing something Important, and I hope this activity finds its way into the politics and the voting process, otherwise we’re fucking doomed.
Speaking of which, 2014 was a big year for me and the F-Word. I can’t go into detail anymore, but My Lawyer and [REDACTED] are totally Top 10, and there’s an Unpublished Mr. Wrong Column from February 2014 I put up for Historical Posterity at joemacleod.kinja.com, for anybody who wants a look, and then in the same breath I am also going to lay a big fat Top 10 on the Baltimore Sun Media Group, with a cherry on top, for continuing to publish my column and paying me money for it, yow!
This might be my most serious episode of Top 10 ever, but here I go back into my wheelhouse, if you will, with my friend Television, most importantly in terms of Top 10, a show I saw on Cable Teevee this year called “Drug Kingpin Hippos” on the Animal Planet channel, which masterfully intertwines the history of brutal cocaine drug lord Pablo Escobar with the story of some hippopotamuses he imported to Columbia, and I don’t care how old this show is, I saw it this year for the first time, and I’m telling you this is some compelling fucking TV, seriously and totally Top 10, man, and right behind that is my “story,” The Young and the Restless, on account of Soap Opera “supercouple” Nick and Sharon got back together, which, according to my rough calculations means “The Young and the Restless” is now a Flat Circle and every character on the show has scored with every character, unless they are related, but I missed a few episodes, so that totally coulda happened, yikes.
Last year at Top 10 time, I did this, and I again invite all of you to submit Your Own Personal Top 10 of 2014 to wrongcolumn@gmail.com, and I will pick one and you will get some sorta prize that has a Retail Value or whatever, and I will probably use it to chew up space in The Mr. Wrong Column, which I totally self-nominate for Top 10, along with you, The Gentle Reader. Top 10 to you all!
One more Top 10 for my pal Sam Holden, a longtime City Paper freelance photographer who left us way too soon, and to get in my lifetime Top 10 please lay a few bucks on the Sam Holden Memorial Fund, which you can get to by visiting samholdenphotography.com. Thank you.
Email: wrongcolumn@gmail.com
Tweet: @MRWRONGCOLUMN
