Holy crap, I almost didn’t even notice, but it is now officially Cold and Flu season! Go wash your hands right now, seriously, get with the prophylaxis, and I’m not talking no ritual ablution here, I mean you need to get in there and hit those nooks and crannies and get those hands clean enough to eat off of, and I’m also meanwhile and at the same time not endorsing any of those anti-bacteria products, because if We The People keep using that goop those little Microbes are gonna Evolve up into some serious Macrobes and start stealing our cell phones and arming themselves and stuff. Go wash your hands! It’s Cold and Flu Season! Also: Ebola.
That's totally what reminded me about the Cold and Flu Season, I'm not kidding, all this Ebola going around, people need to get prophylactic! Pestilence! As a U.S. American I am personally proud that we (as in U.S.) are going Over There and setting up hospital tents or whatever and taking the fight to this Ebola situation. This is the Big One, seriously, this is the test of how the whole motherfucking Planet is supposed to respond to a threat to the Species! Homo sapiens! You! Me! Us! Kill the Ebola! Kill!
Who the fuck are these boneheads saying we should not get involved, and we should stop letting planes come in from Africa and stuff? That's not even crazy talk, man, that's just Stupid fucking talk, man, there's all kindsa ways besides airplanes people can get to this Hemisphere, and also, Mister and Missus Xenophobe, the longer we let this Ebola hang around and kill people and fester and whatever, the greater the chance it can step up its game, mutation-wise, and turn into some shit that just floats in the air! Coriolis effect or Prevailing Winds or whatever, man! There is only one atmosphere, errbody on the whole freaking globe is sipping off the same Air Supply! I'm all out of love for you fools, seriously, I have reviewed much of the Important Literature on this, by which I mean the Major Motion Pictures "The Omega Man" and "The Andromeda Strain," and we gotta develop a vaccine! Plus, we gotta fight! Kill! Kill the tiny Ebola before it kills us! Ebola wants to win! Ebola does not sleep! We have to Kill it!
Of course if you are a true hardcore Nature person, out there spiking trees so loggers won't cut 'em down and stuff, you might be like "good, people are the worst thing about this Planet anyway, we should let Nature control the population." Well, you are certainly entitled to your Radical Opinion, but I am part of Nature, and I haz Survival Instinct! Screw your Malthusian-tinged complacency! Kill the Ebola! Kill!
Right now they (and you know who They are: Science) are saying there can be a vaccine, and I support that, and that is what brings me back to the everyday Pestilence of Cold and Flu Season, and as much as I would be pretty pissed off with you if you gave me some Ebola, I'm still gonna be peeved if you walk around with your mitts full of Cold and Flu Season. Go wash your hands. Especially go wash your hands if you are of the opinion that Vaccinations are not for children and stuff. If you are against Vaccinations and you don't get a Flu Shot, I guess I can understand, because that's you, but if that is you, then fucking go especially wash your hands all the time during these High Holy Days of the Cold and Flu, because even though I am getting a Flu shot, there's still a chance I can get invaded by a Mutation, and that means you and your no-hands-washing ass are now officially part of the Problem, OK? And that makes it my Problem! Also, controversially, there are people who are convinced that Vaccinations cause other chronic health problems such as Autism in children, and I am not feeling good about how you are gonna feel when there's an Ebola vaccine and things get ugly and the Government possibly says "go get you some Ebola shots, every man woman and child," see? Anything can happen if we don't fight this Ebola in every direction! And when Ebola comes for me, I don't want to be weakened by a Cold or the Flu! I need to be strong! Go wash your fucking hands!
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