"I actually paint on a treadmill," the man wearing a paint-spattered suit and tie says, "and make drinks." He's standing on stage in front of a studio audience and a panel of celebrity judges, though "celebrity" is a relative term for David Hasselhoff, Piers Morgan, and Sharon Osbourne. The man proceeds to get on a treadmill, in front of which an easel stands, starts jogging, says he's going to paint a portrait of Hasselhoff, and begins with a brown Motherwellian brushstroke. The judges don't merely look underwhelmed, they're borderline hostile. Morgan tells the man, "You remain, indisputably, incredibly irritating."