Someone over at Downtown Partnership of Baltimore apparently decided that one way to help promote Baltimore would be to partner with Buzzfeed (and, presumably, pay money to Buzzfeed) to make some cool listicles. We had a lot of reactions to one of its posts, "41 Reasons Charm City is the Music Capital of America," and decided that in true Buzzfeed fashion, the best way to respond was via GIFs.
1. Back in 1774, the Continental Congress banned theatrical entertainment — but Baltimore was like "screw that" and founded the Maryland Company of Comedians anyway. A very punk-rock move.
A "punk-rock move"? Our millennial-pandering senses are already tingling—and the Maryland Company of Comedians was a theater troupe, not a music group, so we're not sure how this relates, but we'll keep reading.
3. In the 19th century, Baltimore manufactured the third-highest volume of pianos in the U.S., supplying pianos as far as Japan as early as 1879.
4. The Baltimore Symphony Orchestra was the first company to perform abroad in the Soviet Bloc.
Oh hey, actually interesting facts!
9. Also, Howard Ashman, who wrote all the words for The Little Mermaid andBeauty and the Beast that you can STILL sing along to from memory.
OK, you're clearly pandering to people born in the '90s with this one, but it's not inaccurate. We're interested.
14. …Charm City Folk and Bluegrass is quite a "pick," and The Shindig — the latest on the block — is for true rock 'n' rollers…
Bad pick pun aside, Jane's Addiction and Rise Against are for "true rock 'n' rollers"?
18. Of course, Ottobar is an intimate treasure of a venue to catch bands just before they ink a record deal and become all "mainstream."
Come on, even if this is true, it reads like the most cliché hipster joke.
21. Are you as blown away as Letterman was after he saw Future Islands?
OK, Social Media Extraordinaire over at Downtown Partnership, how could you talk about Future Islands' performance without including a GIF?
Speaking of which . . . how does this Buzzfeed article not have ANY GIFs?
What's the point of using Buzzfeed, a highly visual platform that thrives on multimedia content, if you're not going to include GIFs, or at least embed your images in an interesting way?
22. Have you spent your twenties swooning to the serenades of Beach House? Did you even SEE their music videos? No? OK, we'll wait… *drums fingers*… whew, the weather is pretty weathery today… *checks watch*… oh hey! Awesome, right?!
The 20-somethings at Baltimore's Most Millennial Alternative Weekly know when they are being poorly pandered to.
30. Rock and hip-hop are just the start; Baltimore House has taken off.
Are we talking about Baltimore club? The genre that's been around since the early '90s and was—never mind.
34. Can't forget about old-school punk like Advlts.
35. Or the newer wave led by Double Dagger and Dope Body.
We're not sure how Double Dagger can be leading a newer wave of punk, given that the band called it quits last year, but . . .
39. Without Baltimore, there'd be no Dru Hill.
40. Without Dru Hill, there'd be no Sisqo.
41. And without Sisqo, we'd never have the greatest song about underwear of all time.