Hey, don't you fucking hate it when people say to you "So, are you ready for The Holidays?" They (and you know who They are) probably think they are making pleasant conversation, with their casual inquiry as to you and your state of The Holidays-Readiness, with their feigned concern for you and if you are "ready," whatever that implies, Readiness for The Holidays. Did I buy stuff? Did I go to the shoe-repair place and get the shoe-cobbler to punch an extra hole (or two) in my belt for the deep-fried turkey stuffed with donuts that have gravy inside? Did I have a good cry while scrubbing the bathroom floor to get it ready for The Holidays? I'm only mad at the dirt, not The Holidays! Personally, I am always ready for The Holidays. How can you not be? All you gotta do is sit there! The price of The Holidays is Eternal Readiness, I always say, to goofballs who ask me am I ready for The Holidays. Hey, "How about you?" I retort, "Are you ready for your The Holidays? Are you? Really?" Of course, when I say that, I run the risk of them answering in detail, blah, blah, blahblahblah, but I'm not listening, just like they weren't listening, really and sincerely, to my crap, before, during, and after they asked me if I was ready for my The Holidays. What if I'm not? What if I'm really and profoundly not ready for The fucking Holidays? Why are you being mean? You just asked me if I'm ready for The Holidays and I'm not ready! You know perfectly goddamn well I'm not ready for The Holidays! Look at me! Do I look ready? Why do you hurt me with pointing this out? Help me! I don't know what to do! The Holidays are coming and I am unprepared! Look, give me three hundred dollars, OK? Then I will be ready for The Holidays. You asked! You asked me if I am ready for The Holidays, and I am telling you! Deal with my response! In the spirit of The Holidays! You have taken Mental Ownership of my The Holidays with your thoughtful and Caring interrogative! Now you pay the price! This is your The Holidays guilt trip! I won't have a The Holidays if you don't give me Three Hundred Dollars! You know what, you, you're not ready for the Holidays! That's why you asked, you are projecting your complete lack of not being ready for The Holidays on to me! Get away from me! Go! Go get ready for The Holidays! You are a bad person! Wait, come back! I still need that Three Hundred! I accept the Bitcoins! OK, whatever, if I don't see you before then, have a great The Holidays!