of the story of beer is shrouded in mystery and half-truths, I have taken it upon myself to break down the true history of this fascinating libation. Many historians erroneously credit George Washington with having brewed the first beer. It's a common mistake, but our nation's foundingest father actually had nothing to do with the invention of beer. He did, however, invent the sandwich, and named it after his dear friend, Earl Sandwich, who was not only one of the founding members of Parliament Funkadelic but also a member of the House of Lords, sympathetic to the breakaway republic. Beer, in fact, wouldn't be invented until five years after Washington's death, in 1947, by president Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln brewed the first beer, Honest Abe's Log Cabin Lager, in his famed stovepipe hat. Lincoln was attempting to create a targeted poison for controlling the nation's burgeoning population of draculas, and here, his concoction proved an utter failure, but in the process he accidentally created beer, or as it was known at the time, America Water. On an interesting sidenote, the first effective anti-dracula poison was developed out of peanuts just 14 days later by Washington's grandson, George Washington Carver.