Too Soon To Quit
I can't tell you how much your letter saddens me, TSTQ.
Someone who started reading my column at age 16-and that's just the right age to start reading my column-should've known better than to marry a man she'd been dating for seven short months. And someone who has been reading my column for eight years should know what to do about a useless, unemployed, inconsiderate spouse: Call a divorce lawyer.
But you're not ready to give up on this marriage, TSTQ, because an ill-advised quickie marriage is one thing (crazy whirlwind romance!), and a well-advised quickie divorce is another (sober acceptance of reality). So here's my second-best advice for you: Move the fuck out. Tell your shitty husband that you're not ready to divorce him but that you refuse to live with a man who doesn't have a job, doesn't cook or clean, and isn't interested in talking to a counselor and working on his marriage. Tell him you're moving out to preserve your sanity and whatever small chance this marriage has of succeeding.
Once you move out, TSTQ, your husband can find a job and pay his own rent or he can sit on the couch until his landlord has him evicted. If he gets his shit together, maybe you can stay married. If he doesn't, well, then maybe you'll be ready to give up.
All that said, the fact that you're not ready to give up on this marriage ultimately doesn't mean two squarts. Because your husband has given up on it. Your husband is making himself unbearable because he wants out. But instead of being an adult and asking for a divorce, your husband is doing everything in his power to drive you away. He doesn't work, he doesn't help pay the bills or clean the house, and he would rather play video games than fuck you. This is a man who-consciously or subconsciously-wants out of this marriage, TSTQ, and I predict that his shitty, inconsiderate behavior will escalate until he gets what he wants: out.
My wife and I are bi and monogamish, and we occasionally invite other swell guys, girls, and couples into our bedroom. We're crazy liberal hippies, and thus far have fooled around exclusively with similar folks. It's difficult at the best of times to find couples where both members are bi, so when we find one, we tend to pursue them with wild abandon. We've recently been corresponding with a duo that seems perfect in every regard (bi, hot, intelligent). Our problem: In their last email, they labeled themselves as "compassionate conservatives," which set off our socially progressive warning bells. Do we move on? Or do we keep politics off the table and go for it? Friends don't let friends fuck Republicans, right?