I would like to thank the State of Maryland for finally recognizing the imminent danger that my dog poses! Why just the other day I overheard him on the phone saying, "Bitch better have my Milk-Bone!" ("Pit Bulls Not Savage," The Mail, May 9; "For Pit Bulls, No More Freebies," Newshole, April 27)
Not only was I truly afraid for my life but in that instant I knew that he was clearly involved in illegal activities that may or may not include snorting bath salts. Lately he has been strutting around in his gang-affiliated purple furry bathrobe and has threatened to "stomp a mudhole" in the guinea pig and "pop a cap" in the cat's ass. I am now positive that he is in fact pimping out our pussy. . . cats.
Legislators, THIS INSANITY HAS GONE ON TOO LONG! Clearly the only answer is to assume that the entire breed is as dangerous to society as my dog is. We cannot take any more chances. You know what they say —"One bad apple spoils the bunch" and I would rather see an entire breed held accountable than to risk an adverse encounter with a few. Strangely enough, this sounds familiar. . . oh, I know where I've heard about this concept of stereotyping an entire genre and then making assumptions about them based on sheer ignorance, it's called racial profiling. Good thing we don't do that here in America. I can't imagine just assuming that every African-American in society is suspect and up to no good, unlike these god awful pit bulls that are pimping out our pussy's and demanding Scooby snacks from unsuspecting owners who fear for their lives. If the Pit Bull population keeps increasing, who knows what will happen to society. What if they band together and unite forces? I fear they may overthrow the government and declare EVERY day a national holiday!! I abhor the thought of Pit Bulls running this country; they are dangerous and must be stopped!
So once again, thank you for creating legislation that protects the very core of my morals so that society no longer has to suffer indignity at the hands of these savage beasts. I agree that there need to be extra laws tailored to the pit bull because obviously the current leash laws and owner responsibility that applies to ALL dogs is NOT enough. It would be absurd to think that when the rottweiler, Doberman or German shepherd was the popular dog of its time that there were just as many incidences of neighborhood poodle rapes, Petco robberies, and pussy cat pimping. I am so proud to be a citizen in a country that is not fueled by ignorance, inequality, and injustice, and for this I thank you good sirs.