Is it gay enough out there for you? So, who else thought Ms. Aguilera was knocked up or suffered from coke bloat after her divorce? No matter, it’s Pride weekend in Baltimore and time to get dirty and feel beautiful. From a posh garden party at the Baltimore Museum of Art, to an afternoon-‘til-after-dark block party in Mount Vernon and a day in Druid Hill Park, this year’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender festival has something for everyone, not only as a LGBT celebration, but as a means to raise funds for the services the Gay and Lesbian Community Center of Baltimore provides our community. Go to baltimorepride.org for additional info.
Wednesday 15 Rainbow up and get pride empowered at Read Street Books (229 W. Read St.,  669-4103), which will be selling T-shirts, jewelry, and candles, along with offering 25 percent off all gay and lesbian titles, fiction, and nonfiction. RIP Lambda. Club Hippo’s Pride Bingo starts at 8:30 p.m. and celebrates the Blu-ray releases of three classics: Hair; The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert; and New York, New York, with proceeds going to GLCCB (1 W. Eager St., clubhippo.com).
Thursday 16 * Put on the most bizarre and fabulous shit you own before arriving at Fashion Alley, Baltimore Pride Week’s unisex couture runway event at Red Maple Li Monet will curate as boys and girls (the big kind) strut down the catwalk in garments by C U L T, A People United, and K Kinera, among others. House-throbbing courtesy of DJ Cullen Stalin. Come looking like a disco ball or stay home (9 p.m., 930 N. Charles
St., 930redmaple.com, $5.).
Multiply the ridiculousness of your outfit for Fashion Alley times 1,000,000, and that is what you should be sporting at Grand Central’s Pride Casino Show. Tables open at 9 p.m. to try your luck at this this little bit of Vegas to benefit Moveable Feast, plus the disco will be open for dancing breaks during all the gambling (1001 N. Charles St.,
Friday 17 * Twilight on the Terrace never used to conjure up sparklevamps, but it’s okay that it does now. Hosted on the Baltimore Museum of Art’s terrace and sculpture garden, this Pride kick-off party and fundraiser starts at 7 p.m. and features DJ Alex Funk, an open bar serving Hendricks gin and Stoli vodka, noshes from Gertrude’s, and a silent auction. Plus, art and dancing. Sounds romantic. (10 Art Museum Drive, brownpapertickets.com, $85.)
Josie Foster Presents: Pride Show, with more fake eye lashes and Spanx than the entire Real Housewives franchise, at Club Hippo ($7) starting at 11 p.m. Miss Gay winners Chi Chi Ray Colby, Sue Nami, Onyx Revlon, Tatiyanna Voche, and Sabrina White represent.
Saturday 18 Historic Mount Vernon hosts the caffeine- and Champagne-fueled high heel race at 3:30 p.m. at the corner of Charles and Eager streets, followed by the colorfully loud and always spirited community parade. Get hydrated, cream on the sunscreen, and prepare a wad of cash for the raucous block party 6-10 p.m. Entertainments include bands, gender illusionists, and dancers, along with headliner Deborah Cox, the songstress with the voice of liquid gold. This year’s Pride features the second annual alcohol- and drug-free Youth Ball 5-8:30 p.m. for ages under 24 in the lot across from the Belvedere Hotel and a Youth Zone Mini Ball with DJ Vjuan Allure 6-9 p.m. one block north of the Pride mainstage.
Cool off at Club Hippo and check out its Showtime Video Madness special Pride edition 6-9 p.m., followed by karaoke in the karaoke bar.
Come get your booze-and-phallic-shaped-snacks fix at Weenies and Martinis, the annual Pride Festival patio cookout and dance party at Red Maple. Kicking off at 2 p.m., the shindig will feature live beats from DJs TechLove, Cullen Stalin, Lady C, and Ted Dancin’; tasty elixirs; and plenty of $1 grilled weiners (there will even be veggie dogs for those who don’t like meat, pun fully intended). No cover til 9:30, when turntable king Rich Medina arrives and everyone coughs up $10 in exchange for dance-floor sorcery.
Sunday 19 There’s plenty of time to sleep in and brunch it/coffee it up before the Pride Festival in Druid Hill Park 11 a.m.-6 p.m. A family-friendly affair with, yes, live entertainment (starting at noon), but also information from community groups and organizations along with vendors and tasty food and bevie options. Enjoy yourself.
* Correction: The initial version of this guide confused two Thursday and Friday events. City Paper regrets the errors.