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GEICO offers to give Baltimore an identity by promoting shitty D.C. band

GEICO offers to give Baltimore an identity by promoting shitty D.C. band

"Baltimore, beautiful city, little bit of a lack of an identity though, especially when it is so close to Washington, D.C.. It has a bit of a tendency to get overshadowed. And bands from [Baltimore] have a tendency to move [to D.C.]. Because there is kind of a scene in D.C. which Baltimore has tended to lack." This is Dave Holmes, the host of GEICO's Indie Across America, sounding like an idiot. When we

that GEICO was promoting indie music--and touting Shark Week, a D.C. band, as representative of Baltimore--we knew it was going to be bad. But we didn't know it was going to be

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. First, Holmes is simply wrong. There hasn't been a cohesive music scene in D.C. since the height of the Dischord days and with skyrocketing rents in the district, musicians are moving here, not to D.C.  Sure, we lose some bands to Brooklyn, but not to fucking Washington. But the first close-up on Holmes' eyes lets you know that nothing he says should be taken seriously. Watching Holmes - who got his start finishing second to Jesse Camp on MTV's "I Wanna Be a VJ" contest - speak is like watching porn where you wonder if the person with the dildo up his ass has some devastating drug problem or emotional issues that brought him to this low, low point. But it gets worse. "Here's the thing, I looked into Baltimore and I couldn't find out a whole lot about its music scene," Holmes says, as if his first name were Sherlock. He evidently did not look to our own

or talk to any of the many local labels. And he acts as if he has never even heard that

Rolling Stone

named Baltimore the best music scene in the country in 2008, pretending that bands like Beach House, Wye Oak, and Dan Deacon don't exist. But, have no fear because Holmes promises that "We're going to give this place an identity. We're putting Baltimore on the map." He is stupider than a caveman and a gecko combined. What could possibly be behind such idiocy? We suspect that no real Baltimore band was willing to shill for GEICO, so the whole segment was an attempt to justify picking a D.C. band willing to sell out to some awful insurance commercial to represent Baltimore. "Shark Week is a punk band. They're kind of splitting their time between Baltimore and D.C."  says Holmes, which means, apparently, that one of their members lives in Baltimore. "Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Baltimore's own Shark Week . . . presented by Geico," Holmes says to a nearly empty 8x10, which the crew tried to make look more crowded by giving everyone glow sticks as if it were a '90s rave. Finally, when the roughly 5-minute video ends (it feels like it lasts 5 hours), Holmes fesses up:  "Shark Week: Baltimore, D.C., wherever they are from, they are keeping that place weird . . . And I like it." We're glad somebody does.

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