Mr. Wrong: Career opportunity

I dunno how much you pay attention to Media News, but were you aware the Company that publishes the smudgy inky paper or pixels directly here in front of your eyeballs is looking for a new Editor-in-Chief? Career Opportunity!

Yeah man, City Paper, Baltimore's Most Help Wanted Alternative Weekly, is looking, right now, for a shiny new Editor-in-Chief. I dunno if the title is exactly Editor-in-Chief, but I think that's what it should be, on account of then errbody in the Newsroom or Newscubicle or whatever could always be calling the new Editor-in-Chief "Chief," and then the EiC could be all like "DON'T CALL ME 'CHIEF'!" Like on the Superman or Spiderman or Whateverman cartoons or comic books or movies, I forget.


So look, the last time this happened, the last time Baltimore's Most We Need A New Editor-in-Chief Alternative Weekly was looking for somebody to be the E-i-C, I helpfully conducted an unofficial and non-binding Talent Search to fill the slot, because I am a Team Player. There's no "I" in team but there's an "I" in City Paper, and right now that "I" is I! Me! Team!

By way of a DISCLAIMER I am gonna self-plagiaristically cut and paste from my last published Career Opportunity Editor-in-Chief Talent Search, about three years ago, I think, right here in the Mr. Wrong Column. I could look it up to find out exactly when, but the City Paper Website is still currently kinda janky in terms of much Content being available from like, before, let's say, almost roughly, approximately the year 2014, and that includes about, like, almost 15 years of the Mr. Wrong Column, and I don't care what some of you think, the Mr. Wrong Column is Content!

So here goes: Have you ever thought about being an Editor-in-Chief of a Major Metropolitan Alternative Newsweekly? Do you have any Qualifications or a Degree in something that you could put on your résumé or curriculum vitae, if you will? I'm just trying to help find City Paper a new Editor-in-Chief, you know? To this end I announce an official Essay Contest by the Mr. Wrong Column, which is only trying to be to be Helpful and find a new Editor-in-Chief of Baltimore's the City Paper. With prizes.

The Prize is if you win the Essay Contest, you get your Essay (edited) printed in my column, plus you will get a classic City Paper Beer Koozie with an Estimated Retail Value, of, like, $2.99, I think. I gotta check on that. The paper doesn't sell 'em to anybody, I don't think, but it's a nice Koozie. It's yellow and black like the City Paper street boxes where you can get your printed-on-paper version of City Paper every Wednesday. "Get It Wednesday" is the Slogan on the boxes. I invented that, the get it wednesday slogan on all the street boxes, you know, I didn't get a prize or anything, but I was happy to do it, Team Player, seriously.

So look, this is not an offer of Employment, OK? It's not like you would get the Editor-in-Chief job if you won my Essay Contest, since I'm not the boss of picking the new Editor-in-Chief or anything else, so I am gonna modify the Contest a little. You should write your Essay on good ideas you have for City Paper, and then everybody here at the Mr. Wrong Column (me) could look at all the ideas-essays and then we could use the ideas to make City Paper even better than it already is, unless you think it sucks, in which case your ideas will be Gold-Solid-Gold! Maybe you really can be Editor-in-Chief of City Paper, even though you are writing an Essay for the Mr. Wrong Column in hopes of scoring a Koozie! Tens of Hundreds of people might read your Essay, and then maybe they would write letters or emails or make Internet-comments or Facebooks or Tweets or Instagrams or Soundclouds or Pinterests or YouTubes or Vimeos or Coubs or LinkedIns or Vines or Snapchats or Tinders about how great your Ideas are, and maybe you would get drafted in a Convention for Editor-in-Chief, it could happen!

My idea to have an Essay Contest is pretty good, hah? I mean, at this point it's the Second Tri-Annual Mr. Wrong Column Editor-in-Chief Contest! It's an Institution! I have Ideas all the time for the paper. Like, I wanted to do "Pet of the Week," where people send in pictures of their pets. People love stuff like that, right? And I invented "How's It Goin'?" Where we take pictures of people and ask them How it is Going, only without the "g" to make it more conversational, see? Some people would go "what?" But other people would really tell us How it was Goin'. I think we should also have a weekly Sports column, and I think stuff like pinball and darts is a sport. I think we should sell ads on the cover like the Pennysaver does and like The New York Times does, and I am cool with those sticker ads that go on the cover and screw up the design, but we should have, like, Editorial Content on one side of the sticker, or a cartoon or something. I think we should have more cartoons in the paper, and poetry, and works of Fiction. I don't like the Sudoku because it is made out of Math, but I realize some people like it, bleah.

I wonder what kind of Ideas you Essay Contest writers will write about what we can put in City Paper. But hey, you can't copy any of my Ideas, OK? You know what? I'm changing the Essay Contest. Now the Contest is for you to write an Essay About Why the Mr. Wrong Column Should be Editor-in-Chief of Baltimore's the City Paper. 500 words or less. Deadline is Friday, Aug. 21. Thank you.


post: MR. WRONG, c/o CITY PAPER,

501 N. Calvert St., Baltimore, MD 21278