I'm almost 30 and I'm a virgin. I'm an overweight, straight-ish guy (I'm attracted to a few men, but those cases are exceedingly rare). I've also gone through an absolute hell life thus far, losing a testicle to cancer and having an abusive father who threatened a teenage me into celibacy by invoking the phrase "penile lobotomy" should I have sex with any girlfriends. I've barely dated in 10 years, and while I'm free from my father and the aforementioned mortal dick terror, I'm also INCREDIBLY scared about putting myself out there. I'm disabled, I'm not conventionally attractive by most standards, my whole zone down there is scarred up from surgeries, and, to top it all off, I'm on the small side. The last time I had the opportunity for sex, I went for it, but I was so terrified that I couldn't keep it up. The woman I was with said something to the effect of "Well, I can't do anything with that, now can I?" after which I asked her to leave because, seriously, that's kind of an asshole thing to say. I'm notionally on Tinder and Bumble, but I really don't know what I'm doing—and more often than not, I feel like the right thing for any theoretical partners would be for me to just stay in hiding and not inflict my grotesque presence on them. I'm scared of another humiliation, as that's most definitely not my kink, and I'm at an age where my complete lack of experience and physical deformity are (I would have to imagine) major issues for anyone I might encounter. I truly want romance, sexuality, and companionship in my life. I haven't fought through poverty, disability, physical and emotional abuse, and my genitalia trying to kill me to stay entombed in my office alone and unloved. I just do not know where to even begin.