But in answer to your question: Infrequent and underwhelming sex, sometimes with an obligatory vibe, is not only the sex life a 48-year-old married father of three can expect, it's the sex life he signed up for. There's nothing selfish about wanting more sex or wanting it to be more like it was. Kids, however, are a logistical impediment—but a temporary one, provided you don't go nuclear. A couple's sex life can come roaring back so long as they don't succumb to bitterness, recrimination, and sexlessness. To avoid all three, HUH, it might help to ask yourself which is the likelier scenario: for years your wife faked an interest in dirty talk, foursomes, toys, porn, etc., in order to trap you, or your wife is currently too exhausted to take an interest in dirty talk, foursomes, toys, porn, etc. Again, I suspect it's the latter.