While you're getting help, ROUGH, you and your partner can explore some mild non-vanilla moves. Mindful breathing—like the kids are into these days—may help, and so will incorporating some soothing sensory input, e.g., soft lighting, calming music, scented something-or-other if you enjoy scented somethings. And whatever your husband is doing—whatever you two are doing together—he can and should ask "Is this okay?" at every step. It turns you on and it makes you feel safe. You need to feel safe and in control. Slowly, slowly, slowly you may be able to advance to more aggressive play. It's possible, however, that rough sex might be permanently off the table for you, ROUGH, and that's not something you should feel guilty about. There are other ways to spice up your sex life, other (tame) kinks that don't trigger you.