I've never admitted this to anyone: The idea of committing suicide turns me on sexually. I recognize how crazy that is, and I want to emphasize that I'm not suicidal. I'm not depressed, I love living, and despite this sexual impulse, I don't want to kill myself. I'm turned on by the fantasy of hanging myself, but that's not really how I want my life to end. (To be clear: Autoerotic asphyxiation gets a lot of press, but that's not the situation here. Asphyxiation itself isn't my kink, and other methods of committing suicide also turn me on.) My question is this: Given that I don't want these fantasy scenarios to ever become reality, should I indulge the fantasy through healthy, safe play with a responsible partner or should I try to repress it and shut it down? I'm worried that if I indulge the fantasies through safe scenarios, I might reach a point where the safety precautions interfere with the thrill. On the other hand, I know that trying to repress sexual desires is a hopeless endeavor and trying to keep these fantasies in check might result in a scenario where they boil over and I end up engaging in riskier behavior than I would have otherwise.