The holiday season is a time for families to get together and celebrate. But as the years race by, we might not be willing to notice the signs of aging in our parents — or ourselves. This is a time to take a closer look.
The idea is not to cast gloom upon your holidays, but to get prepared and organized so you aren’t tempting fate. With that in mind, here are some questions you might want to raise with your parents or your spouse or your adult children.
Are you organized — just in case? If your memory were to fade or if you were in an accident and unable to act for yourself, do you have a list of all your financial documents and how to access them? I have created a free financial organizer form that you can use to start the discussion. You’ll find a link to it on the home page at TerrySavage.com. You can fill it out online or print out several copies and distribute them to family members. The process of filling in the blanks can trigger important discussions. Put the completed form in a safe place and let your trusted adult child or partner know its location.
Who will be in control? It’s very difficult to imagine that you or your aging parents might not be able to make decisions about managing money, investments or even basic tasks like paying bills. But someone else might have to make critical health care decisions for your parents or for you. These issues are all resolved by having appropriate powers of attorney in place for health care and finances, as well as a revocable living trust that names a successor trustee to act. Now is the time to ask whether those plans have been made — and where the documents are located.
Is it time to reassess living arrangements? Most parents don’t want to leave the longtime family home. Just the thought of packing up is daunting. But studies show that those who leave while they are active enough to make new friends can spend rewarding years in senior or assisted-living communities. Researching possible places to live and keeping a list is a smart move.
The real issue is how to raise these larger issues in the context of a holiday setting. Amy Florian of Corgenius.com teaches financial advisers how to bring up these subjects with their clients. She suggests starting by asking your parents to pass on their financial wisdom, stressing that you don’t need to know the specific numbers of their finances. Maybe ask to join them in a meeting with their financial and tax advisers so you can get to know these contacts.
My own approach is more direct. I simply say, “I’m superstitious, and I think we are all tempting fate if we are not organized and documented!”
While we are on the subject of aging parents, Florian has advice for adult children in the form of four things to look for as indicators of dementia or Alzheimer’s:
Forgetfulness, particularly loss of short-term memory, as opposed to long-term memory.
Personality changes, such as becoming more angry, aggressive or paranoid, or displaying inappropriate behavior.
Problems with words, such as the inability to read, the use of similar but wrong words, or not remembering the name of a common item.
Loss of executive function, such as the inability to do multi-step tasks like following a recipe or a schedule of daily activities.
Start by finding an attorney who specializes in elder law — to represent the parents, not the children. Search at the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (NAELA.org). A lawyer can help get all the relevant documents in order, keeping competent parents in control of their lives but assuring that the future is well planned.
This sounds like a tough holiday discussion, but it’s worth it. And that’s The Savage Truth.
Terry Savage is a registered investment adviser and the author of four best-selling books, including “The Savage Truth on Money.” Savage responds to questions on her blog at TerrySavage.com.