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Fear and Loathing in the Preakness Infield

The average attendee of the Preankess Infield probably doesn't even know that that Kentucky Derby Winner Animal Kingdom calls Maryland his home or the post times for today's races. But the average attendee probably does know that Bruno Mars and Train are headlining the Main Stage of InfieldFest, and there have been multiple Kegasus sightings before the time they wake up on most weekends.

9:32 a.m. -- I arrived at the Preakness Infield a few moments after they opened. There hasn't been much activity and Baltimore City Police have informed me there haven't been any arrests or ejections...yet.

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9:46 a.m. -- First Kegasus sighting of the day. He/It is not doing any interviews until his media session at 11 a.m.

9:55 a.m. -- Mr.Greengenes, the Mid-Atlantic's premier cover-band, finishes up their first set of the day to make way for a Bikini Contest hosted by 105.7 The Fan personality Jeremy Conn. Guest Judges include the likes of Ed Norris and Jen Royle.

10 a.m. -- "I got here at 8 a.m. and I've only ran into 1 drunk guys since then. He came up to me hammered and said he wanted to drop kick one of our tents. I don't know what he means by that, but there's no way I'm going to let him." Dave Tart, CBS Radio Assistant Promotions Director.

10:05 a.m. -- First run-in with a wandering senior citizen infield attendee. He has a sign on his back reading "If lost, please return to [717-Phone Number]."

10:12 a.m. -- And the good folks at Jagermeister are handing out free slices of bacon. Best promotion, ever.

11:26 a.m. -- "I got here 5 minutes ago. I've already drank a beer and hooked up with a random girl." Phil V, 23 (according to his ID), Long Island, NY.

11:50 a.m. -- As the sun rises towards noon, the douche bags seem to be ditching their shirts left and right.

12:03 p.m. -- Good job, Hotspur. Every band knows you have to close your set with a Bon Jovi cover when you play at a party. Living On a Prayer, anyone?

12:21 p.m. -- A drunken-dizzybat-whiffle ball competition has commenced in the field leading towards the Port-O-Potties. The objective of the game is to fill a whiffle ball bat with beer, and chug the entire thing in 10 seconds or less.

After chugging it, the participant must put the bat on the ground, put his head on the butt and spin in a circle around the planted bat for as many seconds as it took them to drink the beer inside. i.e. If it took them 7 seconds to chug the beer, they have to spin around the bat for 7 full rotations.

Finally, the participant must attempt to make contact with a slowly pitched whiffleball. Additionally, the participant tries to remain standing, "try" being the key word.

12:48 p.m. -- In honor of the late, great Randy "Macho Man" Savage, Slim Jim reps are giving our free samples. There has also been a surge of bets placed for Mucho Macho Man. The 3-year-old colt has a history of consistent finishes within the top 3, and has garnered some popularity among youthful gamblers, who are using today's festivities to pay homage to the sports entertainment legend.

1:54 p.m. -- Gearing up for the Kegasus press conference.

2 p.m. -- Kegasus bailed on his press conference. Too busy being Lord of the InfieldFest

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2:20 p.m. -- While awaiting Kegasus' return, I ran into Jodie, a 27-year-old from Pittsburgh, who had quite a bit to drink. She informed me that she was out looking for mullets. He-Mullets, She-Mullets, etc. I'm not sure what she meant, or why she has devoted her day to mullet-hunting, but I decided not to try and figure her out considering she is from Pittsburgh.

2:53 p.m. -- Just met Bruno Mars and his entourage. Didn't have time to talk, had a meet and greet with a few fans before he had to warm up for his 4 p.m set.

3 p.m. -- Finally, I got a chance to sit down one-on-one with Kegasus, Lord of the InfieldFest. The half-man, half-centaur is very proud of the work he's put into promoting the 2011 InfieldFest. His main objective has been to remind the Infield attendees to "stay legendary." Obviously, he's been a huge factor in attracting young fans back to Infield festivities after recent alcohol restrictions turned-off several party-goers. On the other hand, several traditionalists are appalled by the idea that the self-proclaimed "Party Manimal" is the mascot of the Middle Jewel of the Triple Crown.

3:42 p.m. -- A lot of the 8 a.m. arrivals are beginning to get tuckered out and find places around the infield to nap. 80-degree temps and bottomless mugs will do that to you, I suppose.

3:52 p.m. -- Ladies and Gentlemen, Kenny Mayne is in the building. Now it's a horse race.

4:20 p.m. -- Just got a hold of the Baltimore Police Info Line, the totals so far today are a surprising three ejections with zero arrests.

4:43 p.m. -- Bruno Mars is rocking. The entire crowd has joined in singing almost every word to "Grenade."

5:20 p.m. -- Apparently Jorts (jeans ripped or cut into shorts) are the hottest trend for Men 25 and under. I did not get that memo.

6:00 p.m The bugle just went off for the 136th running of the Preakness Stakes. About 12 minutes until post, and the infield is just about dead. A few stragglers are sticking around to try and watch the race from the inside. For the first time all day, there are more attendees in the grandstands then there are in the infield.

What did we learn today? Kegasus is 136 years-old, the best way to promote your brand to the 25 and under demographic is to give them free pig meat, and although there won't be a triple crown winner this year, it's not the end of the world. Too soon?

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