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'Dancing With the Stars' recap: classical night

Raven returns to recap last night's DWTS:

Evidently if you miss a week, you miss a lot.

I missed last week's "Dancing with the Stars" only to discover that I'm Team Wendy all by my lonesome. This fan's fave diva deluxe got the (stiletto?) boot last week. Oh well, the show must go on. And on and on and on… or so it seemed during last night classical musicfest. The supersized orchestra, the pyrotechnics, the soprano and the violinist all made the show seem longer than its usual two hours.

Romeo/Chelsie Hightower
: The youngest dancer on the floor gave a hint of the aggression that he'd show in the paso doble by showcasing his b-ball skills in rehearsal. After making a left-handed, backwards basket, he said, "If I can paso doble like I just made that shot, the judges have got to give me a 10." He channeled his inner matador and displayed the art of the chase with twirls and flame-accented flourishes, enough to get a standing O from the audience. Len praised the dance for being "full of passion, attack and intensity" while Bruno noted that it was action-packed and six-packed. Carrie Ann's take: "The first time I've ever seen a paso with swagger." 23/30

Kendra Wilkinson/Louis van Amstel: Proper, ladylike dance set to classical music? Tall order for a tomboy-turned-stripper-turned-Playmate. But Louis was convinced that he could show the judges that she's a true contender. Not quite. "Become the black swan!" Bruno implored. Well, Natalie Portman she ain't, blaming her miscues on a mere four days of practice. The other judges were sympathetic – "I see that you're trying very hard," Carrie Ann said – but not enough to save her from the lowest score of the night. 18/30

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Sugar Ray Leonard/Anna Trebunskaya

: I should’ve known that one of the athlete-stars would end up in tights sooner or later. Just never expected it to be Sugar Ray, or for the tights in question to be the royal blue spandex variety. Eeek. Fortunately, that was just for a field trip in rehearsal. He looked quite dapper on the floor and Anna looked like a fairy princess, although her hideous lace-up, ribbon mid-heel dancing shoes did nothing for her ensemble. The judges enjoyed the entertainment factor and gave the former boxer his highest score to date. 21/30

Petra Nemcova/Dmitry Chaplin

: The supermodel was lavished with praise from the judges for her “fierce” pasodoble. Len was uncharacteristically complimentary, the bad cop to Carrie Ann and Bruno’s good cop was missing in action. “More impressed than depressed,” Len says of the performance. 23/30

Ralph Macchio/Karina Smirnoff

: Tell me that I didn’t really hear him say, “Now, that’s hot” a la Paris Hilton in rehearsal! Promising a contempo twist on the tragic lovers’ tale, he and Karenna were perfectly in sync throughout the dance. As Bruno said, it was “brilliant storytelling through dance.” Len’s verdict: “You’re back!” 25/30

Hines Ward/Kym Johnson

: With Bruno praising his “killer instinct” and Len encouraging him to “work hard because you’re really doing great,” he tied for the second-highest score of the night. But by this time, I was starting to feel like, you’ve seen one paso doble with a matador costume and flames, you’ve seen ‘em all. 25/30

Chelsea Kane/Mark Ballas

: The judges’ pick was my least fave. Mark looked like a warlock, not the Charlie Sheen kind and not in a winning way either. Their magical moves landed them a stern talking-to by Len who accused Mark of not respecting the tradition of the 300-year-old Viennese waltz. Bruno and Carrie Ann roundly disagreed with his take. “It was magical, fabulous, beautiful and bewitching,” Bruno said, “and technically speaking, it was the best dance of the night.” 26/30

Chris Jericho/Cheryl Burke

: Another paso doble. Thank goodness they weren’t wearing red. Impressed with Cheryl’s ability to match the former wrestler’s power. Guess those choreographed wrestling moves paid off! Len didn’t think so – “The music conquered you – you didn’t conquer the music.” 23/30

Kirstie Alley/Maksim Chmerkovskyi

: Kirstie complained about a hip injury during rehearsal, a tactic that usually sets you up for a golden ride from the judges. (Paging Jennifer Grey, come in Jennifer Grey…) Her choice of attire – sheer mid-section panels – made her a braver woman than I am. But the focus soon centered on her footwork when she lost a shoe during the dance, leading Carrie Ann to tag her the “Queen of Unexpected Mishaps.” Bruno, however, thought she did “amazingly well.” Len criticized her posture – (“needs to be stronger”), footwork (“needs to be cleaner”) and movement (“needs to flow more”). 23/30

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So, who’s getting the boot this week? My pick: Petra. I can’t imagine she has enough fans to keep her on the show.

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