Here's more discussion from Liz Atwood about "Tiger mothers" in this week's Tween Tuesday:
Tiger mothers are all the rage. "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," Amy Chua's parenting memoir, has shot to No. 2 on The New York Times best-sellers list. Chua's account of raising her daughters with strict rules and high expectations landed her on the cover of Time magazine and guest spots on TV news shows. Last week, I noticed on the bulletin board at my neighborhood Giant an advertisement for a local Tiger mothers club.
Chua's book also has ignited debate about which parenting style is most effective. And while experts weigh in on the matter, I suspect most of us in the trenches are engaged in another round of questioning and self-doubt.
I tell my friends who don't have kids that parenting is the hardest job anyone could ever have. Although babies do not come with instruction manuals, there is no shortage of advice. Even before their children are born, women are besieged with advice on everything from breastfeeding and diapering to college savings plans. Grandparents are eager to step in and tell you when you're not doing something right. Friends give their thoughts. Child-rearing experts appear in magazines and in blogs spouting varying and often contradictory advice. We're told punishment can destroy a child's self esteem or that being too lenient will set the child up for failure later in life.
I'll admit that when it comes to parenting, I'm more of a kitten than a tiger. Nearly every time I interact with my boys, I hear dozens of contradictory voices in my head. What would my mother do? What would my friends do? And now, what would Amy Chua do?
This week, when I again was complaining to my 14-year-old that he spends too much time watching TV, I brought up the subject of Amy Chua's strict parenting philosophy. I asked if he had wondered why so many of the students he had seen win band competitions, science fairs and even black history contests were of Asian descent. "I'm not Asian," he said, to which I replied, "It's not genetics. It's desire and discipline." And though I didn't say so, I thought, it's also parenting.
My son answered, "You want things for me that I don't want."
And I guess that's what it comes down to. Regardless of our parenting styles, we want our children to succeed. But they need to first accept our version of success, or no parenting approach, no matter how tough or lenient, will work in the long run.
So that brings up the question, how do we get them to buy into our version of success?
