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'American Idol' recap: Hooray for Hollywood?

Janell recaps last night's Hollywood audition fake-out. Take it away, Janell:

Welcome to Hollywood, y'all! But - twist! It's not Hollywood week, just another round of auditions in L.A. For this occasion, Randy is wearing bright gold shoes, J.Lo is wearing (and working) booty shorts, and Steven is wearing an Aerosmith t-shirt. Some people might find that over the top, but I am strangely mesmerized by his bare arms, so it's a yes from me. (And, speaking of bare arms and Over the Top, Sylvester Stallone arm wrestling movie, anyone? Soundtrack by Kenny Loggins ["Meet Me Halfway"]? Learning life lessons while driving a semi with an estranged son? To use the hipster slang that I just learned today, arm wrestling is srs bsns. Srsly.)

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The producers of American Idol would like you to know that God did not send them to Los Angeles for the sole purpose of having Victoria Garrett audition. Just in case you run into Victoria and she tells you otherwise. Victoria would also tell you that "everybody can't sing like J.Lo."

Tim Halperin doesn't sing like J.Lo, but he loves her. He gives her googly eyes while singing "She Will Be Loved," and then says he's had a crush on her since 5th grade. Way to age the diva, Tim. Randy generously mind-tricks Tim by saying no, forcing Jennifer to be the tie-breaking vote, just so he feels more special when she says yes. (SKK: This guy seemed so familiar, but they didn't reference him having auditioned before. Anybody else recognize him?)

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Next are two friends, Daniel and Isaac. Isaac dropped out of college to make room in his schedule for Idol. He hasn't told his mother, which is a shame because she's very proud of him for going to school. Daniel thinks he can rock the house. He is mistaken. Isaac is also a fail. Randy advises both of them to stop singing. They celebrate anyway because they were both called attractive.

Suddenly, we're on the second day of auditions because Jennifer is wearing a scarf over her hair and Steven is wearing a jacket. We're told that some people auditioned online, and a "select few" have been chosen to audition in L.A. One of those few is Karen Rodriguez. She has a nice voice, but while Steven critiques her, he magically changes from his Aerosmith t-shirt to his jacket. Perhaps none of the editors are as focused on his arms as I am, but that was lame. Oh, Karen gets through.

Wacky person Tynisha Roches brought her own microphone, winks a lot and says "ow!" a lot. She has "like 3 albums that are ready to be composed." When her tribute to Frank Sinatra does not win over the judges, she switches to that "You're Gonna Love Me" song that has a different name. Randy walks out because she won't stop singing, leaving the new judges to decide whether they will join in his wacky antics or sit there like mature adults. While they think it over, Tynisha follows Randy behind the screens and chases him back, singing all the way. After Randy has security usher her out, Steven leans over to him and tells Randy that he'll wake up later tonight with Tynisha standing over his bed, singing "But I really meant that I was loving you this afternoon." Yes, I typed up the whole crazy person just so I could get to Steven's punch line.

Some belly dancing girl named Heidi Khzam gets through. Just to annoy Jennifer, I think.

Oh, here's another wacky person that I should spare you, except he claims that, "I got [produced] a compilation [album] that features Chaka Khan." Hmm, there's some extra crazy and extended weird, but I'd like to leave it at that, because that is my new catch phrase. For the bonus round in your American Idol home game: Who does your compilation feature?

In a failure montage, one guy sings "Pants on the Ground" while his pants are on the ground.

Here are Mark and Aaron Gutierrez, two brothers who like to mock each other. Mark is a teacher, and Aaron thinks that everyone else is boring. They harmonize on "Lean on Me," and do it very nicely. Steven calls it god-like. They both make it through, without doing solos, apparently.

The last segment begins with the slow plucky guitars that usually signal that a heartwarming story is about to get all "top THAT life tragedy" in your grill. But then it's a 59-year-old man from some dangerous area in Arkansas. He's wearing a feathered hat and has bells on his pants, and is described as a street performer. I think we're supposed to laugh at his craziness, but I believe he really is mentally challenged. He aggressively sings James Brown, and the judges look a little afraid. After he sings, he tries to deliver some manifesto but he's out of breath. The judges are speechless, so he walks into the hallway and gets lots of angry rant time. That was just sad and unnecessary. Top THAT life tragedy, indeed.

And then it's over. Next week we'll have one more audition show, and then Hollywood Week begins. I don't know how many people made it to Hollywood, but I'm thinking it was a whole heckuva lot, so the cuts will be swift and painful. Time to thin the herd! Get ready. I got a compilation that features Chaka Khan.

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