We're watching the election returns tonight on ABC. Wait, no, these are the voting results for last night's Dancing With the Stars, as well as the continuation of the 200th episode celebration, which started last night.
The reprisal tonight is Team Apolo's cha-cha, which remains as much fun as it was last night.
Results: Brandy and Maksim Chmerkovskiy learn that they're safe, and Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas are in jeopardy.
One of the ways they're stretching this out to 90 minutes is to give out some awards. The first is for Most Dramatic Moment. Nominees are Cristian's arm injury, Kate Gosselin and Tony Dovolani's fight, Misty May's ruptured achilles tendon, Marie Osmond's collapse after her performance, and Kelly's wardrobe malfunction from the first season. The winner is Marie Osmond.
Tonight's Macy's Stars of Dance production is from Broadway's Mary Poppins. This totally reminds me that it's been way too long since I saw something on Broadway.
Next, Taylor Swift hits the stage with the sparkliest guitar in the history of ever.
The next award is Best Worst Dancer, and the nominees are Kenny Mayne, Master P, Kate Gosselin, Steve Wozniak and Billy Ray Cyrus. Kenny Mayne wins. I thought it was going to be Master P, but Kenny actually has a sense of humor about this.
More results: Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough are safe, and Rick Fox and Cheryl Burke are in jeopardy.
Award No. 3 is Biggest Dancer Transformation. The nominees are Derek Hough, Tony Dovolani, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, Mark Ballas and Louis Van Amstel. Wow, I didn't watch season one -- I can't believe what Louis' hair looked like! And he is the winner of the golden ponytail award.
Speaking of transformations, Rod Stewart is next on stage, singing "I Get a Kick out of You."
Award No. 4 is Best Judges' Moments. We see a montage from Carrie Ann, Len and Bruno, after which Bruno actually looks embarrassed. I didn't know that was possible.
More results: Kurt Warner and Anna Trebunskaya are safe, and Kyle Massey and Lacey Schwimmer are in danger. (I got tired of typing jeopardy.)
Then Taylor Swift returns to perform again while a montage from the show's dances plays behind her. Also, less sparkly guitar this time.
Next week, there is an "instant dance" in which they'll know their dance style, but not the song. The song will be revealed to them after the live show starts. That's just evil!
Montage of Didja Know This Show is Stressful?
More results: The next couple announced as safe this time is Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas, who are shocked (especially Mark).
Before the final results, here's the cast of "Skating With the Stars": Bethenny Frankel (Real Housewives of NY), Jonny Moseley (Olympic skier and longtime MTV challenge host), Rebecca Budig (All My Children), Brandon Mychal Smith (Disney Channel star), Sean Young (crazy movie star) and Vince Neil (crazy rock star). Are you kidding me?? I don't want to watch, but ... that sounds insane.
The ousted couple tonight is Rick Fox and Cheryl Burke, which means a shocked-looking Kyle Massey and Lacey Schwimmer are safe.
He says the experience has been amazing, and says that it's transformed his relationships with his girlfriend and his daughter.
What do you think of the results? Bristol and Kyle both looked totally surprised to not be going home tonight.