FALSE 'IDOL': What the hell is going on with the "American Idol" judges table? Jennifer Lopez may be out, and the producers are still mulling bringing on Steven Tyler. My suggestion: Hire someone we all would actually like.
FINE 'ART': Native Baltimorean Abdi Farah (right) wins Bravo's "Work of Art." Too soon to suggest a reality TV spinoff show co-starring Christian Siriano.
JUSTIN BIEBER IS THE NEW PROACTIV SPOKESMAN: So that's what he has been hiding under those bangs.
BEST/WORST WEEK FOR 40-SOMETHING LADIES: Older-woman-self-discovery movie "Eat Pray Love" premieres; news that comic strip "Cathy" will end in October
LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON: Mel Gibson's dad goes on a "the pope is a homosexual" rant. Oddly, he doesn't mention that the pope also has breasts made from sugar.
STAR-GAZING: Either Scarlett Johansson or Blake Lively starring with Robert Downey Jr. in sci-fi drama "Gravity" means I may actually go see a movie set in outer space.
PAWN-OGRAPHY: TruTV's "Hardcore Pawn" is the latest show to make a lame pawn-porn pun. What's next: "Midget Fetish Shop"?
GLENN GONE GAY: In poking fun at that whole mosque-at-ground-zero issue, Glenn Beck says there should be an Islam-friendly gay bar there as well. His suggested names include "Infidelicious" and "Suspicious Packages," marking the first time Glenn Beck has ever made sense to me.
MUST-PAY TV: TV Guide released its annual TV's top earners survey. Here's my level of outrage in ascending order: Miranda Cosgrove, "iCarly" ($180,000/episode); Bill O'Reilly, Fox News ($10 million/year); Charlie Sheen, "Two and a Half Men" ($1.25 million/ep)
Good to see the "Jersey Shore" kids found a summer job with a paint crew (left). Sidenote: I went to high school in Greensboro, N.C., where this happened. Don't judge me too harshly.
Photos: Slater (AP); Abdi Farah (Bravo); Shcool (AP)
Jordan Bartel is assistant editor at b. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow him on Twitter: @jordanbartel.