LINDSAY LOHAN LEAVES JAIL: We'll always have the memories of her (allegedly) ravaging bags of Cheetos. Also, check out the video re-enactment of her troubles made by a Taiwanese company and posted on Gawker. Four words: she drops the soap.

LAURENCE FISHBURNE'S DAUGHTER DOES PORN: Cowboy Curtis would never have let this happen! In her defense, when you name someone Montana, there's officially a 46 percent chance she'll do porn.

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KENDRA WILKINSON: 'MY BABY HATES SLEEPING': Other lessons she learned this week: Earth is round, birds fly

MOST NEEDED ON ITUNES: The remix song from the "Bed Intruder" video.

TO PANDEMIC OR NOT TO PANDEMIC: I've been wondering if I can use a "sick day" to go see Seth Gilliam (Carver from "The Wire"!) play Othello in Boston.

ALARMING MEDIA TREND OF THE WEEK: The 3,215 stories about bedbugs. I get it. They will likely eat me. MICHAEL JACKSON'S DEATH HOUSE FOR SALE: Get on that, all you real-estate weirdos. Digging the Lisa Loeb-meets-Paula Poundstone look Tina Fey rocks in that unearthed '90s bank commercial.

REPORT: OLD PEOPLE DON'T LIKE 'INCEPTION': They blame the confusing plot and say that "whippersnapper Leonardo DiCaprio needs a haircut."

NEW ALBUM TITLE I KEEP TRYING TO FIT INTO EVERYDAY CONVERSATION: Ray LaMontagne's God Willin' & the Creek Don't Rise

LEAST SURPRISING NEWS OF THE WEEK: Tila Tequila to star in porno. More surprising was that the article called her a "C-list celeb." Um, what's the grade below "F"?

BIGGEST LATE-SUMMER PLEASE: Kanye West's daily awesome Twitter updates on @kanyewest. Ex: "sometimes I push the door close button on people running towards the elevator. I just need my own elevator sometimes, my 7 floor sanctuary."

'I GOTTA FEELING' REACHES 6 MILLION DOWNLOADS: I gotta feeling I want to chat with everyone who downloaded that song.

YMC ... WTF?!: The cop from the Village People insists he's a "dark-horse candidate" for "American Idol" judge. Eh, still better than Kara.

WAVE-ING GOODBYE: Now that Google Wave is going away, I can stop pretending I understand what it is.

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