Here's a shout out to Abigail Sullivan Moore, co-author of "The iConnected Parent," which examines how technology is changing the way parents relate to their kids in college. Abby, a friend whose freelance work has appeared in The New York Times and other publications, teamed up with Dr. Barbara K. Hofer, a Middlebury College psychology professor. Believe me, their findings about the era of cell phones, email, Facebook and other forms of communication are a world away from my college experience, when a single pay phone served the entire hall of my freshman dorm and a weekly call home was the norm.
These days, the authors noted, college students communicate with parents more than 13 times a week. That stream of words can help ease the transition to college -- for both parents and kids. But it can limit a child's ability to gain independence and learn how to make decisions. And it can cross accepted boundaries, as parents get involved proofreading homework or intervening with professors. Here's an excerpt from a Hartford Courant Q&A with Abby:
Q: Many of the students you describe in the book don't really seem to mind getting their parents' advice and even seek it out. If parents like giving help and the kids don't mind the advice, what's the problem?
A: In the past, students at this age typically made many decisions on their own, after talking with friends, roommates, advisers and so on. That was part of growing up. Sometimes they made poor decisions, but they learned from them. But today with cellphones, many students are calling their parents to make those decisions. Or the parents are calling them. The bottom line is that students are losing opportunities to learn to make decisions on their own, and this is an essential part of growing up.
And we also found students who were conflicted about so much contact with their parents. On the one hand, they wanted their parents' support. On the other, they felt inadequate because they wanted to be more independent. Students who have the most frequent contact with their parents are less autonomous than other students. \
p.s. If you'd like a copy of the book, leave a comment about your own experience with college communication -- as a student or parent or onlooker. One lucky commenter will win.