Here's jl with this week's Shallow Thought Wednesday. Sorry it's late; that's my bad. -- SKK
Nothing stimulates the old amygdala like your spouse putting a hand on your shoulder, fixing you with significant eye contact and saying, "We need to talk."
The addition of a hint of compassion in her gaze is the surest signal of doom. Possibly, an intervention's afoot, or a tearful confession is about to be pried from you.
I've been pretty good for several years now: relatively obedient, follows through on tasks, cleans up after self, etc., etc. So, theoretically, I have nothing to fear. But one never knows that one is completely in the clear. Some bad habits are so ingrained as to seem not only good, but essential to life itself.
So when I got the hand, and the eye and the Dread Quartet, I blanched (praying the summer tan diminished the drama of a guilty tell) and shivered from a surge of adrenaline. I probably burnt a hundred calories in the fraction of a second it took to go from contented moral somnabulance to cornered beast.
All for naught, as it turned out.
Her next words composed a sentence as soothing as ever I’ve heard: “You can’t get pregnant.”
I’ve had on my writing table for about two weeks a packet of Traditional Medicinals (registered) “Pregnancy Tea” (also registered). She was pointing to it.
“Oh
that
, hahahahaha. I’ve been wondering how I could work it into an STW,” I said, still shaking.
It’s come to that, I’m afraid. Shallow begets shallow.
The claim on the packet: “SUPPORTS HEALTHY PREGNANCY” comes with an asterisk. The asterisk directs you to a disclaimer that suggests the stuff is worthlessly benign and supports a healthy pregnancy only in the sense that it doesn’t deliberately thwart it. It contains, for example, no caffeine. Nothing worse than a jittery mother-to-be.
“I’m not trying to get pregnant. I’m trying to think of a way to sneak the pregnancy tea into an STW,” I said, still mildly wary, defensive.
“It’s come to that, eh?”
“I’m afraid so.”
She chuckles and leaves the room, blithely unaware of the panic her interruption set off … or fiendishly knowing?
Once again settled, I reflect that my opinion of herbal health benefits remains unchanged; strictly psychological. Which is not to say worthless. Basil, oregano, cardamon, paprika, mint, anchovies* and their ilk, add immeasurably to the quality of life, if not the in-utero development thereof. And psychological is one of my favorite types of health.
So, now I can throw the packet out. It has caused more trouble than it’s worth.
* not an herb, I know, but a wonderful spice.
Photo by jl. Caption: Still Life With Tea and Cigar: A packet of Pregnancy Tea and a "Bad Boy" cigar make for a tantalizing and health-generating breakfast. (Obligatory Warning: Cigar smoke may kill second hand users on contact.)