BREAKING THE BANK: "Twilight's" top three stars (L-R: Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner, photo by AP) could make $40 million — each! — for last film in the series. We should force BP to pay for their salaries, too.
GLENN BECK STARTS $9.95/MONTH VIRTUAL UNIVERSITY: CliffsNotes for the institution: conservatism, religion, Reagan, conservatism, George Washington, crying
KARA DIOGUARDI LETTING 'NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE' WHEN IT COMES TO CHILDREN: Here's hoping nature seriously thinks things over.
MEN AT WORK TO FORK OVER 'DOWN UNDER' ROYALTIES: Guest joke from b staffer Adam Sapiro: "Yeah, but they'll pay in Vegemite, right?"
ELLE MACPHERSON DENIES RHINO HORN TREATMENT: It’s the cure-all of choice for 19th-century poachers.
QUITTER: Alec Baldwin wanting to leave “30 Rock” makes me feel dead inside.
LINDSAY BEING LINDSAY: Anyone surprised by Lindsay Lohan's profane fingernail message hasn't read anything about her in five years.
EAU DE BRUCE: Bruce Willis’ new fragrance is called “Bruce Willis.” Finally, I can say “Bruce Willis” when asked what I smell like.
SWALLOWING PRIDE: I begrudgingly like Mike Posner’s song “Cooler Than Me” (above) even though he went to Duke.
BEST PRELIMINARILY ORGASMIC ‘INCEPTION’ REVIEW: “After Inception was over, I grabbed the film reel and f---ed it. That’s how much I loved this movie.” — Aziz Ansari, predicting his reaction, on Twitter
Jordan Bartel is assistant editor at b. Follow him on Twitter: @jordanbartel.