Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: BP Lounge's Happy Hour Menu

Here's Midnight Sun columnist Owl Meat with another installment of his weekly Tipsy Tuesdays:

Last week's BP Bar cocktail menu was a smashing good success. Now that our little misunderstanding with the ocean has been (hopefully) cleared up, we want to celebrate with a new happy hour food menu.

We Brits had to create an empire to get a decent meal. Here at the BP Lounge all you have to do is ask, no violent oppression needed. Seriously, please stop assaulting the servers.

Here's the menu ...

1) Daffy Dixie Duck -- AFLAC! AaaaFLAC ... Aaaaf ... Aaa ... [kerplunk]. Served with a benzene aioli.

2) Mumbo Gumbo -- A BP Executive Club selection. What's in it? Just eat it and stop asking so many bloody questions.

3) Flash Fried Flipper Fritters -- Blackened tuna-free dolphin. Accompanied by okra poppers and Free-Range Willy sauce.

5) Shaft Sampler -- Who are the corporate cats who won't cap out when there's sludge all about? BP! Jolly good, brotha.

6) London Nachos -- Giddy-up buckaroos for maize crisps smothered in indifference, greed and xenophobia with Ye Olde Imperialism gravy. ¡Olé!

7) English Sushi -- Hey, you fell for Italian sushi. Enjoy a Manchester maki: Baked beans rolled in white bread drizzled with bacon grease and ham juice and a Gummy Bear honey au jus. Tally ho, Yankee-san.

8) Mississippi Pot-a-Feu -- The finest chunks of varmints and critters stewed in organic Earth juice (pétrole brut). Served with a heapin' helpin' of swamp fries and a fire extinguisher.

9) Maryland-Style Cap & Crunch Crab Cakes -- If crabs are extinct, Alabama veal (baby possum) with be substituted. Watch out for bones!

10) Driveway Beignets -- Classic Norlins pastries with a hint of asphalt.

Remember, at BP we pretend to care because you insisted that we do so. Now eat and forget.

If you have any suggestions for Chef Gordon, please comment below. Pip pip cheerio, mates.

(Photo by Getty Images)