Janell returns to take on True Beauty.
Sorry Thank you, Janell!:
Welcome to the Face of Vegas! Wait, no, that's the fake competition. You have to be pretty smart to keep up with this show. It's True Beauty, where your inner beauty can earn you $100,000 and a "featured photo" in People magazine, the publishing world's showcase of inner beauty.
We pick up as Regina returns from elimination. The contestants now have a "tradition" (if you've done it once before, that makes a tradition, right?) of drinking to celebrate the return of the non-eliminatee. Did I just make up a word? New tradition: every time I make up a word, I get a cupcake. Since our token villain Liz didn't get enough screen time last week, she is now allowed to steal the spotlight with her excessive vodka shots. Liz shakes her booty, nibbles on someone's foot, and drags Regina around the room in celebration. Party on, Liz.
The next morning, Craig pounds the treadmill. That fancy Planet Hollywood suite may have a nice view and a wet bar, but it is sorely lacking in wall insulation and shock absorption. Or maybe the producers just bought a really cheap treadmill. Either way, no one appreciates the early morning workout.
Now, our traditional moment of "Amy Doesn't Understand …" Last week, Amy didn't understand how to iron a shirt. This week, Amy doesn't understand how to make coffee. Hey, show, give the girl a break! She can balance on the back of a chair by her shoulder blades, can you do that?
Time for the challenge! The contestants will go out onto the street with a microphone and interview tourists. They're given an envelope of questions and are instructed not to open the envelope until they are with the camera crew. Later, the videos will be shown to a focus group, and we'll see how the contestants react to harsh criticism. How do we know the criticism will be harsh? Because they've put the words "ostensibly" and "cacophony" in the questions.
In the hidden-camera elevator, none of the guys looks at the questions. All of the girls peek. What gender stereotype can we draw from this? Out on the street, we get a lot of mispronunciation. Amy is cute in her "I don't understand how to interview people" way. Erika does a lot of dancing while talking. Liz can't seem to read the cards.
The focus group will judge them on appearance, style, and hosting ability, while the contestants are behind a one-way mirror listening to everything. The focus group thinks that Taylor is boring and that
he has a wrinkled shirt. Taylor angrily defends his linen shirt and swears a lot. Erika is described as a bad weather girl, but she takes it gracefully. David is described as "Vanilla Ice with a spray tan."
Anonymous focus group member says, "the fact that he couldn't pronunciate [sic] anything was sad." I'm sad, too. They think that Michelle looks like a bimbo. Craig has a "weird vocal thing" (a Canadian accent) and is described as a cross between a leprechaun and a Chippendale dancer. Regina is told to go back to her pole. Behind the mirror, she swears and flips off the focus group. Amy says, "I sound really dumb." The sound effect says, "ding!" Liz is just bad, although she finds herself exciting.
After the focus group, everyone is understandably in a bad mood. Regina angrily eats a Chips Ahoy. They go down to the hot tub to have a drink, which means more drunk Liz antics. What happens next cannot even be explained. Oh, wait. Let me explain it for you. Liz shakes her booty in the hot tub and talks about pole dancing. You know the handrail going down the steps into the water? It is ostensibly a stripper pole. Liz tells everyone that she can't pole dance, while at the same time she is kind of wiggling next to the pole. Later, she asserts that she danced on the pole, and Taylor points out that she didn't. Liz turns this into an argument, and everyone else is confused because all of this cacophony is ostensibly about dancing. Let Taylor explain: "Liz is angry with me because I didn't acknowledge the fact that she danced near a pole. Liz is nuts. You might have shook your [rear] while holding a pole, but that's not dancing on a pole." I think we can all agree that Liz is nuts. Also, that Taylor knows the precise ratio of dancing to pole contact to constitute pole dancing.
Let's move on, shall we? Time to proclaim the winner. It's Craig! Good for him. The judges announce the three lowest: Liz, David and Taylor. I think they did a bottom three just so that Carson could repeat the "Vanilla Ice with a spray tan" comment. David is safe, Taylor and Liz have to go to the Final Face-Off! The contestants gather around Taylor and give him a pep talk because they all want Liz to leave. Liz is crying in her bedroom, and Craig talks to her and tells her to fight. Liz interviews that Craig was the only person to talk to her, and says that the only reason he likes her is because he finds her extremely attractive. Way to sell yourself, Liz.
Finally we get to the spy room debate. Liz got the lowest score in the focus group, but she took her criticism well. Taylor had one of the worst reactions. Then the judges look at past behavior, where we see Liz failing all three inner-beauty challenges so far. Carson points out that Liz has been pretty bad across the board, while Taylor has had one minor infraction. He votes to boot her out immediately. And then Vanessa throws a surprise at us: neither one will go home, someone else will. What?! As we go to commercial I'm wondering: 1) why Vanessa has all this magical power over who goes home, 2) whether this is all a conspiracy to keep Liz for another week, and 3) why I can't invent another word and get another cupcake.
After the break we learn that it's not a wacky twist in the show, that someone actually violated the "no cell phone" rule. Boring! Beth and Carson still make Taylor and Liz give their farewell speeches. Taylor says he's the life of the party and he loves Vegas. Liz says she's been under a lot of pressure and begs for a chance to move forward. Pointedly, Beth asks Taylor if he's been giving Liz a hard time. Yes, he told her that she didn't dance on a pole. He's a cruel, cruel man. Then Carson says they're both safe, because they're in Vegas, and Vegas is a city of luck! Yay, Vegas! Who is really going home? Regina.
They bring her in to disqualify her, and they do the funky dramatic lighting change so Vanessa can give the "more than meets the eye" speech. Regina says she got homesick and made a mistake, she's very sorry. No luck for you, Regina.
Next week: posing naked with fruit! Maybe Liz will dance near a pineapple.
(Photo courtesy of ABC)