Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: Earth Bar

Since I'm still snowed in with post-vacation work, I'm going to skip the usual intro and let Owl Meat Gravy do his thing with today's column:

I had a dream about the best bar ever:

•    The French make the wine (and Cognac and Champagne, but not beer).

•    The Spanish make the bar snacks. ¡Tapas! ¡Olé! Death to American tapas!

•    The English mop the floors and clean the toilets. Drool, Britannia drool. (NSFW)

•    The Scots make the whisky.

•    The Irish tell the jokes.

•    The Germans do the accounting.

•    The bartenders are monkeys. ...

•    The cocktail waitresses are from Barcelona.

•    The bar-backs are penguins.

Then I had a nightmare about the worst bar ever:

•    The English make the wine and cook.

•    The Greeks do the accounting.(Skip to 3:05)

•    The Germans are the hosts/hostesses.

•    Thais make the whiskey.

•    The Spanish and Italians make the schedules.

•    The cocktail waitresses are from New Jersey.

•    The Dutch make the liqueur (Avocado is not a mixer!)

•    The Austrians tell the jokes.

•    The bartender is this guy.

•    The Scots make the bar snacks. (Haggis happy hour, anyone?)

•    The regulars are drunk thieving monkeys.

Thoughts?

(Getty Images photo)