The vodka eyeball post

Thank you for supporting our journalism. This article is available exclusively for our subscribers, who help fund our work at The Baltimore Sun.

Kids these days, with their vodka and their eyeballs.

Have you heard about this? To get drunk/impress girls/pass the time, young dudes are drinking vodka through their eyeballs. Yeah. Their eyeballs.

I use "drinking" in a loose sense, because you can only dump vodka in your eye for so long before it turns red and hurts like a mother. Not that I would know, or anything. But I've heard.


Witness this video, which pretty much sums it up ...

To be fair, vodka eyeballing isn't a new thing at all. If you scan YouTube, a bunch of the videos were made years ago. It also seems to be mildly popular among Europeans (go figure).


What appears to have happened is, in the past week, the Mainstream Media found out about vodka eyeballing, seized upon it as a Startling Thing Young People Are Doing, and thereby exposed millions of teens to something only a fraction of the population knew about beforehand. Way to go, guys. Now everybody's gonna be vodka eyeballing this summer.

In college, I knew a few folks who dropped LSD through their eyes. They said it felt weird but acted immediately, because it was quickly absorbed into their brains. I took their word for it.

Given how much a shot of vodka burns my throat, I can only imagine how painful it would be to splash vodka into my eyes -- let alone hold a bottle up to my eye for an extended period of time.

Even if it gets you drunker quicker, vodka eyeballing has got to damage your corona cornea. While I've been the guinea pig for all kinds of drinking trends, I'm sure as hell not vodka eyeballing.

(The closest picture I could find to vodka eyeballing in our archives was this one, of ba-zillionaire Richard Branson dumping vodka into his ears in 1995. Or perhaps he's just using them instead of cotton swabs. I'm not entirely sure. Photo by Reuters.)