NO, LENO: Jay Leno (right, photo by AP) somehow proved to be even more douchey and non-funny by joking that the Times Square bomber is part of Team Coco. Fail on many levels.
UNEXPECTED CHALLENGE OF THE WEEK: Finding someone to come with me to see the documentary "Babies." Seriously, cute babies from around the world!
NEW SUGGESTION: Let's stop adapting every single movie, TV show and album into a musical. A "Little Miss Sunshine" musical? Really?
THIS WEEK'S SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE: Wayne Brady cast in "Rent"
NEW (RUMORED) ICKY COUPLE: Keanu Reeves and Charlize Theron, if only because the last time they got together he was working for the devil. OK, in a movie, but still.
LEAST SURPRISING SEX TAPE: Kendra Wilkinson
BEST JUXTAPOSER: Time magazine, for putting Lady Gaga and Bill Clinton side-by-side on its cover
OH, DEMO LOVATO: What the hell are you doing on "Grey's Anatomy?"
WE DON'T OFTEN RECOMMEND THIS BUT: Go see the warthog babies at the Maryland Zoo in Baltimore. Shockingly cute
JUST IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING: This is what Blake Lively (left, photo by AP) would look like if she grew in the rainforest
UP-'CHUCK': If there are so many fans of NBC's "Chuck" rallying to save the show, how come I know no one who watches it?
WORST OVERUSED HEADLINE: "He's No 'Angel,'" for reports of David Boreanaz' affair. Not as clever as you think, every single gossip site.
CAST QUICKLY RESEMBLING 'HOLLYWOOD SQUARES': "Transformers 3," which now has Frances McDormand, John Malkovich, Ken Jeong and Patrick Dempsey. Who's next, Gilbert Gottfried?
COUPLE WE'RE HAPPY TO SEE BACK TOGETHER: Jude Law and Sienna Miller, if only for the pre-recession memories.
LAURA BUSH: 'I LEARNED WHAT-IFS ARE FUTILE': Like, "What-if we never elected your husband"?
BEST NEW TWITTERER: Comedian Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt). Sample tweet: "On tonight's US of TARA, Toni Colette remains brilliant and I remain a shambling dollop of bacon fat."
NEW TWITTERER MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE: Lance Armstrong's unborn fifth child (@cincoarmstrong). Sample: "Now the size of an apple, 4 inches long, and nobody knows if im a girl or a boy! haha!"
MAKING US DISTRUST PSYCHOLOGISTS: Psychology Today's headline: "What's Going on Inside of Sandra Bullock's Head and Heart?"
'ZOOLANDER' SEQUEL MAY BE SCRAPPED: It's sad because what the country really needs now is a good old-fashioned gasoline fight.