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Twilight author unmasked -- Stephenie Meyer is really Stephen King

I should have suspected something was up as soon as Stephen King, master of the horror novel, was displaced on the best-seller list by a first-time novelist, a Mormon from Arizona no less. Or maybe it was the fact that her first name so closely resembled his, and that "meyer" means "king" in Romanian. Or that they had never been seen writing together. Well now the true story can be told: Stephenie Meyer is really the alter-ego of King.

When I confronted King with the truth on April 1, he crumpled like a vampire with a crucifix driven through its heart. "Dang it. I thought I had thrown everyone off the trail when I said Mey-ah was a lousy writ-ah," he said in his thick Maine accent. "But I guess you got suspicious when it was announced that all the money from the Twilight series would be used to buy the Boston Red Sox and move them to Moose River.

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"Actually, I'm glad this whole charade is over. I was sick and tired of watching her go to all those Twilight movie premieres, hanging out with cool kids like Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Now I can have some fun with all those Hollywood stars and get away from these long winters."

Happy April Fool's Day.

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