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Niecy Nash and Louis danced the jive to "La Bamba," and she needed to do something hot to stay on the show. Not so hot, but lots of fun with a big mock smooch on Len's mostly bald head. He called her "boring" last week, and she was striking back.

Carrie Ann called her "the shimmy queen," while Bruno knocked her lack of precision. They received just 18 out of 30 -- not so hot. In fact, it is low enough that the judges can probably throw Niecy under the bus to keep Kate Gosselin on for another week.

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Chad Ochocinco and Cheryl kind of bombed in their quickstep. Len was nice, while Carrie Ann wasn't. I wonder if Chad will be going bye-bye. Only 18 for this couple, too. Chad is getting a little strange in his comments, don't you think? Hey Chad, how's that ring you gave Cheryl last week working out? I'm seeing two more weeks for Kate Gosselin in these performances.

Erin Andrews and Maks do Chuck Berry and "Pulp Fiction" on their movie dance. Lots of angst in their rehearsal session.

"Erin, you got dat Uma magic, don't you worry ever," says Bruno after the dance. I can't believe it, but I actually love this guy's schtick, and it is pure schtick. But who cares? He does bring a sense of screwball fun to the judging, and he does know what he is talking about.

And more than any of the other judges he appreciates the sexuality at the core of dance. This is how the tribe advances -- from the campfire dance to a new generation. No more cosmic thoughts, I promise. OK, Erin and Maks get 22 points. Good work.

"I've been told I look like Tom Cruise," Jake Pavelka, Mr. phony romantic, says. Please. They're doing "Risky Business." Jake starts out in his underwear and an oxford shirt. He better sell his buns, because he sure can't dance.

Oh wow, Carrie Ann says he was great. Show a little bun, and the world is yours, I guess. Wow, 23 points -- with 8 each from Carrie Ann and Bruno. Both loved the underwear bit. OK, here's my second cosmic thought: Jake's a slut. (Kidding!)

Pamela Anderson doing "9 to 5" with Damian, the dance boy. Quickstep time. You have to admit, Anderson really gets into the acting aspect of it. But the dance, not so great despite the dancing over the desk.

"Pamela, every week you're so in character," Bruno says with great admiration. See, I'm thinking just like Bruno. Pray for me. Whew, but Len is ripping her. Boo, Len. They get 21 points thanks largely to Bruno's 8.

Kate does the fox trot to "Don't Forget About Me" from "The Breakfast Club." Tony told her she has "zero energy" and "no motivation" at separate points. Thank you, Tony. I wonder if TLC of ABC is paying for the people who clap at Kate's pathetic moves. That was the fox trot?

I'm not sure what Carrie Ann is trying to say. She hates the dance, but she has to keep her job. So she says something about "Charlie Brown" that no one understands. Bruno shreds her. Says Tony would do better with a coat hanger. At least, that is what I think he said. The room is dead silent. It is not pretty.

Oh, she's playing the kids card -- saying she is tired because she spent her energy on them instead of rehearsing. Do you believe this? She never rehearses. She stands there and kvetches. And then, she delivers the  money line: "I have to keep dancing for them [the kids]. I have to."

Tony and Kate get 15, and the crowd is booing. Once again, she is lowest of the low on the scoreboard. This has to be the end if ABC wants to retain any credibility for this show.

Now, here's a dancer, Nicole Scherzinger, doing a tango to "Pretty Woman." Wow, is she something on the dance floor. Standing O, and she deserves it. Wow, Len says "best dance of the season."

"Two players at the the top of their game," Bruno shouts. Carrie Ann is bowing to them. Yes, yes, yes. Now here's a "star" who works at it. Yikes, a 29 with 10's from Bruno and Carrie Ann.

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Now comes Evan Lysacek and Anna doing a rhumba. They showed videotape of him on ice this week performing with a skating show. I wonder why they didn't include Kate's book signing where only 30 people showed up.

But let's think positive thoughts as Evan dances. Nice sensuality between him and Anna. He is the best male "star," no doubt about it.

Bruno says, "Exquisite... superb." Carrie Ann loved it. Len: "Artistry... fluidity...great job."

Will they top or tie Nicole's 29? i think not. I'm guessing 27 or 28.

There it is a 27.

Really, the efforts of Evan and Nicole should not be debased by Kate Gosselin getting promoted for another week of non-dancing. Come on, ABC, it's only your credibility that's at stake.

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