The Fantastic Bucky (that's now his official name) reports on tonight's Amazing Race. Take it away, Bucky!:
When last we saw our amazing racers, they were listening to a Beatles cover band in Hamburg, sobering up from drinking huge boots of beer, and Jeff & Jordan were being told that they weren't eliminated, but that they would have to do a "Speed Bump" — an extra task the other competitors don't have to do — on this week's leg of the race.
This week begins with a twist. Normally the racers rest up for 12 hours and then begin a staggered start in order and time of finish. And, as we've complained here in Reality Check, the staggered start is always negated by waiting for transportation to the next destination. Tonight, however, the teams are bused together to the next (and unknown to them) destination, then they rest and do the staggered start. For once, the order and time of finish in the previous leg means something. And for Jeff & Jordan, it means that they won't benefit from an artificial "leveling of the playing field." Bummer for them.
On the bus ride, Joe is icing his wonky knee, but he and Heidi point out that it hasn't cost them yet and say that when it gets better, they are going to be tough to beat. I like that confidence.
Finally, the Detectives (Louie & Michael) begin the race and find that teams must drive themselves to St. Menehould, find a specific bakery and buy a baguette in order to get their next clue.
The Detectives get to the bakery, buy the baguette and ask for the clue. The baker says, "Good luck." Michael asks for the clue again. The baker says, "Good luck" again. Mrs. Bucky says, "It's in the bread, you dope." Michael, assisted by my wife, figures this out and gets the directions to the Detour out of the middle of his baguette.
We cut back to the other teams, leaving in staggered fashion. Well, except for Jeff & Jordan, who are going to start this leg waaaay behind. Brent & Caite immediately get lost and start driving in circles.
Steve & Allie and Joe & Heidi arrive in St. Menehould and decide to work together finding the bakery. They are followed in short order by the Cowboys (Jet & Cord), The Brothers (Dan & Jordan) and Carol & Brandy.
Brent & Caite are still driving in circles.
The Detectives arrive at the Detour, which is at the site of a World War I battle between the French and the Germans. The choices for tonight's Detour are:
"In the Trenches" – teams must go down into a trench, find a radio and earphones and translate a Morse Code message, using a guide to Morse Code.
"Under Fire" – teams must crawl through an obstacle course that is in the middle of a battle reenactment (meaning a lot of bombs going off around them), crawling under barbed wire, to get a message. Then they have to crawl back to the beginning of the obstacle course.
In both challenges, the teams must be dressed in battle gear, carrying rifles and in each, they must deliver the message to a guy who straps it to a carrier pigeon and gives them their next clue.
All teams eventually choose "Under Fire" (although Heidi wants to do the Morse Code task, due to Joe's wonky knee. But Joe wants to crawl, so they crawl.)
The Detectives crawl through the obstacle course without much problem, except for Louie getting really tired and winded. It seems to me like he could use a "pick-me-up" of some sort. Ha ha ha … I "crack" myself up.
Brent & Caite finally get to the bakery, get their clue and promptly get lost again. Caite doesn't seem to mind, however. She is just really enamored with the baguette.
I think it was at about this time that Jeff & Jordan finally get to start the race. And, of course, they seem to get lost right off the bat. They are goners, for sure, it seems to me.
Steve & Allie and Joe & Heidi, crawling under the first part of the obstacle course, meet the Detectives, who are returning on the return crawl. So the first three teams aren't that far apart. The Detectives finish and get their clue, which tells them to head south on a road to the next clue. Heading south, they come upon a Blind U-Turn (which makes the team they select go back and do the Morse code task, too). They U-Turn Joe & Heidi, apparently because what I took as positive confidence, the Detectives view as cockiness.
At the U-Turn box, they also get their next clue, which tells them to head back north, on the same road, to yet another clue box.
Brent & Caite finally arrive at the Detour and begin their crawl. Steve & Allie and Joe & Heidi finish their crawl. So all the teams except Jeff & Jordan are crawling under the barbed wire (or have finished.) About this time Jeff & Jordan arrive at the bakery, get the baguette and clue and head for the Detour.
Steve & Allie head south, see that Joe & Heidi have been U-Turned, get their clue and head back north. They encounter Joe & Heidi and tell them they have been U-Turned, most likely by the Detectives. Joe and Heidi head back to do the Morse Code task, finishing quickly but incorrectly, so they have to do it again.
Crawling under the barbed wire, the Brothers bicker, of course, and the Cowboys make up some time on them by focusing on the task at hand. Carol & Brady bicker, too, with Brandy complaining because she wanted to do the Morse Code thing.
The Detectives get their next clue, which tells them to go to the town's church, dress up like WWI-era bicycle racers, then hop on some old bikes and ride four miles to the Pit Stop. (For some inexplicable reason, the bicycler costume includes fake moustaches … for the women racers as well as the men. This makes no sense to me whatsoever, but then, I've never been to France.)
This last task is easy and uneventful for all teams, once they get to it. (Editor's Note: Well, *almost* all the teams, unless we leave logistics out of it ...)
Jeff & Jordan arrive at the Detour and have to do their Speed Bump—reinforcing part of a trench with limbs. But they are gaining on Joe & Heidi, because of the U-Turn.
Brent & Caite finish up the Detour and begin to head for the next clue, but Caite, out of habit, I guess, decides they are lost. Brent checks his watch. Huh? (He must have a compass-watch, which makes it even more confusing why they always get lost.) They turn around, go in the opposite direction and serendipitously end up at the northern clue box. They get their clue and go to the church.
By and by, the Cowboys, the Brothers, Carol & Brandy and Brent & Caite all finish the Detour and bicycle the four miles to the Pit Stop. (The Cowboys decide they like horses better than bicycles because you "don't have to pedal a horse." Mrs. Bucky observes, yes, but you can keep a bicycle in the garage and you don't have to feed it.) These teams arrive at the Pit Stop in this order, but Phil tells Brent & Caite they missed a clue right after the Detour, and they have to go back and get it before he can check them in. Da-da-da-daaaa…now we have three teams struggling to finish this leg of the race. (And Mrs. Bucky says, "Oh, Brent & Caite don't have a clue—imagine that.")
Jeff & Jordan complete the Speed Bump and begin the Detour while Joe & Heidi continue struggling with Morse Code. Brent & Caite retrieve their missed clue and head for the Pit Stop a second time.
OMG! THIS IS TENSE!
Jeff & Jordan complete the Detour (with a bunch of Jordan-drama I won't go into here) and head for the church. Joe & Heidi see them leave and, not knowing Brent & Caite have had to do their own little U-Turn, sort of give up on the Morse Code task. Joe says he hopes this is a non-elimination leg. Nuh-uh, Joe, not two legs in a row.
Brent & Caite beat Jeff & Jordan back to the Pit Stop and Caite thinks it's "just awesome" that they didn't lose a place in retrieving the missing clue.
Finally, Phil goes out to inform Joe & Heidi that the other teams have finished and they have been eliminated. I, myself, think he should have sent them that message over the radio, in Morse Code.
So, the final order of finish this week is:
1st – The Detectives, who each win a 55" HD television
2nd – Steve & Allie, who once again sort of disappeared from the show tonight
3rd – The Cowboys
4th – The Brothers
5th – Carol & Brandy
6th – Brent & Caite
7th – Jeff & Jordan, who avoided Speed-Bump-Elimination
What did you think? Are the Detectives now entrenched as the villains? Have you picked a favorite yet? Does anybody out there anywhere understand why French women had moustaches back in the WWI era? Give us your comments …