Chad Ochocinco says he has no dance experience "except in the endzone." He's excited to dance and not get fined. His partner is Cheryl Burke, who describes herself as the "former two-time Dancing With the Stars' champion," which makes me laugh. They do the cha-cha, and I see Bruno eyeballing his feet, but I can't tell whether his footwork is any good. He's got swagger, though (not so shocking!). Side note: I really like Cheryl's dress. It looks like a cute, regular dress you might see at a party or an event, taken up a notch, instead of some vomited-sequins abomination that you would only ever see at a dance competition. Anyway, head judge Len Goodman says he came out and attacked it, but he is a rough diamond who needs some polishing. Bruno Tonioli says he has a huge, huge, huge talent, sense of music and rhythm, but he needs to hit harder. Carrie Ann Inaba says he has some "raw something" going on. She wants to see more extension and for him to not forget his choreography in the middle. After the performances, the couples now report to "the Celebriquarium," an interview area that is open to the audience instead of backstage. Scores: 6-6-6, for an 18/30.