Easiest Olympic event to medal in: Vancouver sex.
With the Winter Olympics set to curl into our lives Friday, its Canadian host city is flush with Olympic sex fever to accommodate all the visitors.
Apparently, they won't just be going to the Capilano Suspension Bridge ("Naturally Thrilling Since 1889," apparently).
Canada.com (our one-stop source for all things Canuck) reports that Vancouver's most prominent strip club is planning "Olympic-themed decorations" (?), one area escort service is hiring dozens of women across the country just for the Games, and hotel employees have told strip clubs to prepare for a huge influx of customers.
One strip club owner is slightly worried about her staff. "They're very excited," said Brandy Sarionder, who owns high-end club Brandi's even though her name is spelled differently and that bothers us.
"I keep trying to make them understand that it's a marathon and not a sprint. I'm a little worried about my staff burning out." This is a serious issue. We all know there's nothing sadder than a burned-out stripper.
Prostidude 'Markus' gets a failing grade
Remember "Markus," Nevada's controversial prostidude who became the first male to legally service clients a few weeks ago? The reviews (well, one review) are in and "Markus" ain't doing too hot. New York Post columnist Mandy Stadtmiller went undercover to spend time with "Markus." Sadly, that didn't involve sex (or so she says) but instead the two had a long talk in which "Markus" boasted of his ability to "pronunciate" words and compared himself to composer "Choppin." Stadtmiller did get a massage and some weird shower action, during which she said "Markus" examined her "like a second-rate gynecologist." "Markus has taught me so much," wrote Stadtmiller. "About what a gigolo should never, ever, ever do." Yikes. In the end, Stadtmiller said, "It was like a bad second date. That cost $500." To be fair, Stadtmiller does allow that "Markus" is very "well-endowed."
BDSM parties in Bethesda get a stern warning
Good to know: Hosting monthly BDSM parties in Bethesda only gets you a warning. AP reports that Paul Pickthorne rents a home in Montgomery County to get his BDSM on, and the country's zoning inspector issued him a warning last week because technically, since Pickthorne accepts money from attendees, the parties constitute a commercial enterprise. Police also looked into the parties (we bet they did) but found nothing illegal about them.
FYI: New Haven, Conn., is 4 1/2 hours from Baltimore
Road trip? Yale University is in the midst of its annual Yale Sex Week, and programs this year range from speed dating to our dream date — tea with a transsexual porn star, the Yale Daily News reports. The event, running through Valentine's Day, is sponsored by sex toy company Pure Romance.
Jordan Bartel is assistant editor at b. Follow him on Twitter, @jordanbartel.