While you were busy planning your own "Haiti Benefit Song Performed By Random Famous People" (ours would feature Meatloaf, Condoleezza Rice and Andrea Bocelli), we spent the week mining the dangerous battlefield of pop culture. Here's your week in review.
AU REVOIR, SEASIDE HEIGHTS: MTV.com has a poll asking where the "Jersey Shore" cast should live in Season 2 (producers claim they're still looking for a place big enough to contain both The Situation's ego and Snooki's poof). The poll options: Miami; Ibiza; South Boston; The Congo; Skywalker Ranch; "The Hills" of L.A.; Detroit; Cabo. We're betting that it will be near a beach, but Detroit is winning in the poll, with 50 percent. Michael Moore will be thrilled.
BEST TV OF THE WEEK: The uncomfortable awesomeness that was Jon Stewart on "The O'Reilly Factor."
MEL GIBSON, EXPLAINING ON-AIR CURSING, SAYS HE HAS A 'SHORT FUSE': In related news, Mel Gibson is an actor whose first name is Mel and whose last name is Gibson.
LIL WAYNE SAYS GOD WANTS HIM IN PRISON: Yeah, also the federal government.
FALL OUT BOY HINTS ABOUT BREAKING UP: We not-so-subtly hint that we don't care.
WORST TREND OF THE WEEK: We experienced a bit of Facebook dopplegänger week fatigue. Honestly, we don't care if you look like Drew Barrymore.
THUGGISH AND RUGGISH: Is it sad we're a little too excited about Bone Thugs-n-Harmony coming to Rams Head Live! in April?
FRESNO, CALIF., NAMED 'DRUNKEST U.S. CITY': If you've ever been to Fresno, you know why. P.S.: Baltimore was 60th. We can do better than that, people!
MILEY CYRUS' 9-YEAR-OLD SISTER STARTS LINGERIE LINE: Sounds about right.
DEAR KRISTEN BELL: At first, we were just concerned about your acting choices, but now that you're engaged to Dax Shepard we're considering a life intervention.
TV GUILTY PLEASURE ALERT: Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence to star in ABC Family series "Melissa and Joey." Joey will be a nanny. Need we say more?
CRASHING THE PARTY: Your heart's in the right place, Vince Vaughn. But why the hell were you at the "We Are The World" recording?
REPORT: MORE GANGS USING TWITTER: They will cut you in 140 characters or less.