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For some holiday jollity read Rick Reilly's espn.com column about the quirky translations that result from television's closed captioning systems. He sympathizes with the futile efforts to instantaneously type out the names of football players such as Nebraska's Ndamukong Suh -- it came out INCOME CONGRESS SUE. (Probably would get the same outcome for the Ravens' Haloti Ngata and Tom Zbikowski).

But he holds the captioners accountable for turning former pro athletes Mike Piazza and Dick Butkus into MIKE PIZZERIA and DICK BUTT KISS. Some captioning is simply incomprehensible: Pittsburgh Steelers coach Mike Tomlin (who has been noted on Read Street for his literary references) is quoted as saying his team would UNLEASH HOWL IN DECEMBER.

I've gotten some laughs out of this too. As I noted in April, the captioning during an Orioles game said a home run flew out of Camden Yards and landed on "Utah Street" -- rather than Eutaw. Other captioning noted a minor league game in "Buoy" -- rather than Bowie, Md.

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