Tom DeLay is saved for last, of course, since he's the contestant people are most intrigued by. It's all about ratings, you know. He is partnered with Cheryl Burke, who has a painful, beauty-pageant runner-up smile plastered on her face, like she just can't figure out what she did to deserve this. The practice footage? Well, I don't know what I did to deserve that. I do not need to see Tom DeLay learning to shake his moneymaker, and neither do you. (Also, fashion tip: T-shirt tucked into drawstring-waisted sweatpants is not a good look for anyone. Thankfully, he upgrades to tucked in polos pretty fast.) Cheryl is giving him instructions and tells him to go left. He quips, "Going left for me is absolutely outrageous!" OK, that was funny; I can't deny it. They dance the cha cha to "Wild Thing." All right, so ... to my complete surprise, his actual footwork doesn't seem too horrible. He's clearly worked really hard. But the booty-shaking, the mouthing along with the lyrics, the hip-rolls, THE FINGER GUNS AT BRUNO. It's almost too much to bear. I mean honestly, I thought it was going to be worse, but you just know Jon Stewart and all the other late-night guys are watching and just thinking, "comedy gold." Bruno: "You are crazier than Sarah Palin! ... But actually, the little cha cha cha you didn't wasn't too bad. The rest?" Carrie Ann says it was surreal, but that his basic steps were good and he has natural grace. Len says, "Parts were magic, parts were tragic." Scores: 6-5-5, for a 16/30.