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What eight gold medals gets you

Because you just can't get through your workday without hearing the latest on Michael Phelps' dating habits...

According to Radar Online, which seems like it knows such things, Phelps is dating Miss California, who's known as Carrie Prejean on her tax forms and probably in church, too.

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I've spent most of the morning crunching numbers, and I think I've got this all figured out:

8 gold medals = Miss California

7 gold medals = Miss Florida

6 gold medals = Miss Las Vegas

5 gold medals = Miss Puerto Rico

4 gold medals = Miss Fells Point

3 gold medals = Miss Reality Star

2 gold medals = Miss Dundalk

1 gold medal = Miss 2 a.m. and Blurry-eyed

0 gold medals = Miss Pittsburgh

(And if you don't know gold from a yellow piece of chalk, you're probably a Baltimore Sun sportswriter.)

At any rate, Prejean -- this is really her name? does she predate denim? -- appears to be quite a change from one of the last girls the tabloids linked Phelps to. You'll recall that he reportedly brought home a Vegas cocktail waitress for Thanksgiving. (Which prompted a classic line from the Sun's Laura Vozzella, who suspected the whole thing was a mix-up over who's bringing what to the holiday potluck. Vozzella wrote: "You wanted cocktail napkins?" I imagine Michael saying. "I thought you said cocktail waitress!")

Prejean won't likely be taking drink orders in a Vegas nightclub any time soon. In fact, she won the runner-up sash at the Miss USA pageant earlier this week. And while she's reportedly fond of swimmers, some aren't happy with her opinion on gay marriage. During the Miss USA competition, she declared, "In my country, and in my family, I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman."

And then the Internet exploded. Well, not exactly. But a lot of people had a lot to say these past few days.

We're still not sure what she thinks about marriage between mermen and women, but we'll stay on top of this very important story.

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Photo: Associated Press

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