Analysis: The auto industry's decline has obviously hurt Detroit in a major way, so instead of spending ridiculous amounts of money on an unproven, guaranteed bust like Matt Stafford (seriously? You want to pick a guy No. 1 who wasn't even that good in college?), the Lions should instead go ahead and select Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots in the Transformers franchise. This pick works on several levels, the first being that they're going to need a reliable semi-truck, whether it's carting around a fanbase's broken spirit, or hauling Daunte Culpepper's limp body off the field
if when he gets hurt. It would also almost certainly mean Megan Fox would be hanging around Lions' games, which even if you have to put up with Shia LaBeouf, is worth it. (Look at this picture. It's as if it was snapped in Highland Park!) Of course, knowing the Lions, they'll just trade her for an injury-prone, marijuana-addicted wide receiver, but still, it would breathe some life into this miserable franchise.