Lindsay Diokno is back to recap I Love Money:

I don't know if I've just been watching too much reality TV, or if the editors of I Love Money are getting that lazy, but last night's episode was fairly predictable.


The installment kicked off with team captains Hoopz and Whiteboy getting their teams' first assignment via cell phone. (First sign of laziness: The teams get orders through cell phones. Even Tila Tequila's producers were "clever" enough to dole out messages in a bottle. But if my production credits included shows with contestants named Pumkin and Nibblz, I'd phone it in, too.)

So, back to the first assignment -- both teams must pick a new team captain, and will pick a new one for each challenge. After each challenge, the captain of the losing team has to put three team members on the chopping block. The captain of the winning team, or "paymaster," then chooses who is going to be kicked off -- I'm sorry, "bounced." Eliminated contestants are "bounced."

The gold team picks Rodeo as captain, and the green team picks Destiney after Chance does nothing to make a game plan for his team. He does display his stellar rock-climbing skillz by attempting to climb a wall in the house. In the words of green team member Heat, "This team is very disastrous."

Thanks to the heavy-handed editing, we know the "united" gold team is going to lose the next challenge. Each challenge is based on memorable moments from the shows that the contestants were on previously. The teams' first challenge is "The Bed Battle Challenge," where contestants hit each other with giant pugil sticks on a giant bed suspended over water until one of the players is eliminated. This is based on the first episode from Flavor of Love 2, in which two women got into a physical fight over a bed and hit each other with giant flowers:

The results? A green team win.

12 Pack vs. Whiteboy (green team win for Whiteboy)

Entertainer v. Heat (gold team win for Entertainer, complete with some sexy smoker's cough and a montage of sboth competitors smoking beforehand)

Hoopz vs. Real (gold team win for Hoopz because Real is too hung up on how cute he thinks Hoopz is)

Rodeo vs. Chance (gold team win for Chance)

Nibblz vs. Mr. Boston (green team win for Boston -- who knew?)

Afterward, both teams are taken into "The Vault," where everyone's checks are kept. We learn that after every competition, the losing team will go to the vault and choose three members for elimination. Obviously, the weakest players have got to go, so the green team puts Pumkin, Toastee and Nibblz on the chopping block -- but they're given a "power outing" time with Destiney to convince her why each of them should stay. I thought they initially said "power hour," but realized that would be dumb because every hour on this show has people drinking nonstop, so a power hour would be pointless. Pumkin and Toastee manage to convince Destiney that they're physically weaker players and Nibblz should go. (Spoiler alert and second sign of show's laziness -- we know long before the elimination that Nibblz gets the boot.) Oh, and Toastee fakes an ankle injury, and Pumkin says she had an eating disorder, which I'm pretty sure Pumkin herself said is a lie. This defines why I watch bad reality TV -- I wouldn't lie about having a serious injury or disorder, nor would I go on a reality show as a cry for attention, so I feel pretty good about judging these people.

Goodbye to Nibblz and her souped-up dominatrix dungeon. Next week promises the disintegration of alliances, romantic drama, more camera time for Heather (who was sorely missed this week) and likely more shots of Mr. Boston wearing far too little. Mr. Boston, you name the time and place, and I will buy you some pants. That offer does not have an expiration date. It makes me uncomfortable when you wear thongs. It makes America uncomfortable when you wear thongs. Pants are not out of style, so please wear them more often.

At this point, I'm hesitant to make picks because some contestants got so little face time, but Whiteboy and Entertainer are looking like strong competitors. I still have faith in my girl Heather to take it all, and I have a lot of faith that the Entertainer-Destiney-Heat love triangle will cause major drama. That's all for now. I have to spend my day feeling good about never having to battle someone with giant fake flower bouquets.