We've got two hours of Dancing With the Stars tonight so the show can celebrate its 100th episode (and host Tom Bergeron's birthday, as I learned on Entertainment Tonight a little while ago. Please don't judge me).
The first hour features the judges' favorite dances from the first five seasons. No. 10 is Kelly Monaco's freestyle from the season one's week six. No. 9 is Sabrina Bryan's paso doble from season five. No. 8 is Emmitt Smith's cha-cha-cha from season three. No. 7 is Apolo Anton Ohno's seaon four quickstep. No. 6 is Joey Fatone's season four jive. No. 5 is Helio Castroneves' season five quickstep (in the giant yellow suit). No. 4 is Drew Lachey's freestyle from season two's finale. No. 3 is Stacy Keibler's season two samba. No. 2 is Mel B's paso doble from season five. No. 1 is Mario Lopez's tango from season three.
I didn't watch the first season, but I learned from this clip show that the standards are a lot higher now. During that Kelly Monaco dance, there were a bunch of parts where they paused to make sure they started the next part together, and she was looking at her partner's feet a bunch. Interesting.
Let's get on with the results show, shall we?
* They kick things off with a big group dance from the pros to "Hard to Handle."
* Montage from last night.
* Backstage, Samantha Harris talks to the five remaining stars, all of whom feel at risk, glad to be there and hope to still be around next week.
* Rascal Flatts performs, and Apolo Anton Ohno and Julianne Hough dance along with them. (They rock, by the way.)
* Tom Bergeron talks to a bunch of past cast members, who are in the audience. Stacy Keibler says she emailed George Hamilton to see if he would be around. Lisa Rinna says she is doing lots of cardio ballroom. Jerry Springer says his hip still hurts. Vivica A. Fox says she's retired her stilettos. Joey Fatone says he's still bitter, and Kenny Mayne says he's tired of being Tom's punchline, and Sabrina just gets to say "thank you" after Tom says Kenny used all her time.
* Mario Lopez and the cast of Broadway's A Chorus Line hit the stage to perform.
* Rascal Flatts returns, and Mel B and Maksim Chmerkovskiy dance.
* Kelly Monaco tells Samantha she's for Kristi. Apolo says he's for the athletes, but probably Kristi because he's partial to skaters. Drew says his money is on Cristian.
* Results, finally: Marissa Jaret Winokur and Tony Dovolani are safe, as are Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas. After a break, more results: Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke are safe, which leaves Mario and Jason Taylor as the last two stars standing. Leaving are Mario and Karina Smirnoff, meaning Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska are safe.
* Mario says: "I've had a great time performing on this show, I've had a great partner, we've had some great competition. ... Len, thank you for all your comments. Ultimately, you've helped me become a better ballroom dancer. And the comment about me being brave and being an inspiration for young people. I want to say that the real brave ones are the young men and women fighting for our country."
Well, that's a classy exit for our hometown contestant. How do you feel about the results?