Advertisement
Baltimore Sun

Obama vs. Clinton on Raw: What if?

It could be a historic episode of Raw tomorrow night, as WWE has invited Democratic presidential candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton to settle their differences in the squared circle during the three-hour edition of the show.

Will they accept WWE's offer? Highly unlikely. But, in all seriousness, I think it would be smart for the candidates to think outside the box and at least send along a taped message. It would show that they have a sense of humor and don't take themselves too seriously, which just might get them over with some undecided voters.

Advertisement

I'm sure there are some wrestling fans rolling their eyes at WWE's obvious publicity stunt, but I think it's pretty clever. WWE already has received some press coverage on the company's invitation to the candidates, and it will likely get more based on whatever happens – or doesn't happen – on the show. It's all about getting the company's name out there and trying to lure new viewers to sample the product.

To add to the hype, the makers of the WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2008 game have produced a video simulating what could happen if Obama and Clinton square off.

Advertisement

I have come up with my own scenario of what would happen if the two Democratic heavyweights show up tomorrow night in Greenville, S.C., for Raw:

Obama comes to the ring first and soaks up the cheers of the crowd for about 30 seconds before dramatically raising the microphone to his mouth.

"Finally, Barack has come back to Greenville!" he says.

The charismatic Obama talks some smack about Clinton, and then waits for her to make her entrance. At that point, Bill Clinton appears on the stage, and he's pushing Hillary in a wheelchair. She appears to be in a catatonic state.

Bill helps her into the ring and seats her back in the wheelchair, as Obama looks confused. Bill explains that Hillary caught him in the divas' locker room earlier and she was livid. Bill says he couldn't calm her down, so when she wasn't looking, he slipped some sedatives into her water. He says that Vince McMahon told him that's how he should handle a wife who meddles in his affairs. "I just wish Vince would have told me that about 10 years ago," Bill says.

Obama then declares that he is the winner of the match by default. Suddenly, Hillary rises from the wheelchair and kicks Bill below the belt, sending the former president crumbling to the mat. "Oh, man, I feel your pain," Obama says as he clutches his own lower abdomen.

Hillary picks up a microphone and explains that she got some advice on how to handle a philandering husband from Linda McMahon, so she only pretended to drink the spiked water.

"And now you're next," she says to Obama. He takes a defensive stance and tries to reason with her. Obama says he doesn't think they should fight because they are really on the same side. He extends his hand as a gesture of friendship.

Advertisement

Hillary hesitates, unsure of whether to trust him. Finally, she shakes his hand, and then the two candidates raise each other's arms in a show of solidarity.

All of a sudden, Obama decks Hillary, knocking her out cold.

"You see, Hillary," he says standing over her, "it's like I've been telling you all along. I'm all about change."

He opens his clenched fist to reveal a roll of quarters.

Before walking off, Obama delivers one final line: "If you smell what Barack is cookin'!"


Advertisement