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With former major league baseball player Warren Cromartie scheduled to make his debut as a pro wrestler this weekend in Japan (where he was a star for the Yomiuri Giants in the mid-to-late 1980s), I thought it might be fun to imagine how some other professional athletes would fare if they entered the squared circle. Plus, since this blog appears under the heading of "Sports," I figured I had better write about "real" sports every once in awhile to justify my presence here.

Barry Bonds: The arrogant, irritable slugger is a natural heel if there ever was one. Whenever he's in danger of losing a match, Bonds temporarily blinds his opponents by squirting flaxseed oil in their eyes. Stealing Ric Flair's moniker of "The Dirtiest Player in the Game," Bonds goes on to win 15 world titles. As he closes in on Flair's record of 16, both Flair and the commissioner of wrestling vow not to be in attendance for the historic event.

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Tim Duncan: A throwback wrestler in the mold of Jack Brisco and Harley Race, Duncan isn't flashy, but his no-nonsense approach results in multiple world titles. His reigns as champion, however, are marred by record-low pay-per-view buy rates.

The Manning Brothers: Peyton and Eli form the ultimate white-meat babyface tag team and enjoy numerous reigns as champions. However, when Peyton finds success as a singles wrestler, Eli – consumed by jealousy and an inferiority complex – turns on his brother and forms a new team with Peyton's archrival, Mike Vanderjagt.

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Jonathan Ogden: The Ravens' perennial All-Pro, who once insinuated himself into a WWE hardcore title match in Baltimore, is a smiling, happy-go-lucky babyface most of the time. But when he gets angry – look out. One of his opponents is never heard from again after taunting Ogden by bringing up Stoney Case, Tony Banks, Elvis Grbac and Kyle Boller.

Shaquille O'Neal: Shaq Daddy borrows from two of wrestling's noteworthy big men, combining Kevin Nash's cool persona and work rate with The Great Khali's promo skills. And if anyone has seen Kazaam, he obviously patterns his acting technique after Hulk Hogan.

Danica Patrick: Although attractive and athletic, Patrick's career as a WWE diva stalls due to her lack of breast implants. She reinvents herself by competing exclusively in matches against men, but despite a huge promotional push, she has yet to win one.

Alex Rodriguez: He initially is pushed as a babyface, but promoters eventually are forced to turn him heel after fans fail to connect with the aloof pretty boy. A-Rod is so disliked among his peers that even his fellow heels won't associate with him. A shameless rulebreaker, Rodriguez's signature move is sucker-punching his opponents after telling them that their shoe is untied.

Ben Roethlisberger: Following in the footsteps of Mick Foley, Roethlisberger absorbs incredible amounts of punishment and keeps coming back for more. In a tribute to Foley, Roethlisberger is thrown 20 feet off the top of a cage, headfirst through the Spanish announcers' table. When he is interviewed later, he says he hasn't been knocked silly like that since Ravens linebacker Bart Scott laid the smack down on him.

Tiger Woods: He has a long run on top as a babyface, using the Tiger Driver as his finishing maneuver and always ending his promos by saying, "Whatcha gonna do when the Tiger tees off on you?" After fans grow tired of his act because he never loses, Woods turns heel and begins using his ever-present golf club as a foreign object.

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