At 9, she couldn't keep up with her Trapper Keeper, and now she can't keep up with her wedding.
At 9, she couldn't keep up with her Trapper Keeper, and now she can't keep up with her wedding.

I am not a detail-oriented person.

I recently found my fourth grade report card and scrawled in the comments section was, “Megan is one of my most fun, most curious, most disorganized students.” At 9, I was unable to keep my Trapper Keeper and homework in order; at 26, I’m struggling with my wedding.


Once we had the big things under control — food, booze, venue, dress — I figured the rest would fall in place, probably by magic. For months I really figured that the wedding party would all just somehow end up at the venue, and that someone would figure out lighting in our warehouse space, and that as I hitchhiked my way to Gutierrez Studios for the wedding, I could reach out of the white vans window and scoop up some October flowers for our bouquets.

It has only been very recently that my friends and family have started to point out how far we have to go. To be fair, I probably missed a few interpersonal non-verbal cues over the last few months. Like a side eye when I suggested e-vitations, or a non-committal “hmmm” when I proposed our out-of-town guests bring air mattresses and blankets and snuggle into a 30 person sleepover at our house.

But, with less than three months to go, everyone around me is cracking down, and it’s time to make decisions.

Luckily, my sister is a task master, negotiator, drill sargent and maid of honor all rolled into a pretty, 5’3” person. I’ve known her my whole life, and I’m still shaken when she turns on her incredible brand of “get things done or get out of the way” crazy, and I’m five inches taller than she is. My status as "Bride" will soon deteriorate to little more than "Person of Interest" as she launches an investigation on what’s holding up the wedding planning.

I’ll save you some time, dear sister. It’s me.

Right now I’m working on a spreadsheet full of all the things we’ve yet to handle. I am doing this preemptively, because I hope to have it ready to hand in by the time she reads this post. It’s best to try to not piss off the people in charge, and hopefully showing some initiative will assuage my commander.

I’ve written before about the importance of having a sewing kit handy on your wedding day, but I’m going to change my mind here. There are lots of


to have around in case of an emergency, but finding the right


is far more important. If you are flaky like me you need a stern, go-getter around. If you are like my sister, you probably need a lower-key person to keep you sane.

This all boils down to one simple piece of advice. When choosing your maid of honor, pick someone whose elementary school report card was the exact opposite of yours.